


Angsty Sanders Sides One Shots

by Shining_Golden_Girl



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, These are angsty and almost all of the have TWs please don't read if you're sensitive to that!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 23,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25580440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shining_Golden_Girl/pseuds/Shining_Golden_Girl
Summary: Angsty Sanders Sides one shots, just like the name saysI take requests - Angst level 1-10, ship (Only SidexSide, no RemRom, ThomasxSide, SidexReader), and a prompt if you have one :)~And also I will not do smut, because ew~Please make your requests as open as possible, I find it kinda hard to write to exactly what someone has requested, it's a bit easier if I have a bit of creative freedomEnjoy!
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 34
Kudos: 93





	1. You Are My Sunshine

WARNING: Homophobia, murder, angst

WARNING: Hideous angst from my demon brain itself

Roman smiled at Virgil.

The night had been amazing; Roman had taken Virgil stargazing at a spot he'd known since he was little.

The two had spent hours under the stars on the blanket Roman had brought.

They were walking home, hand in hand, when something hard hit Virgil's shoulder. He stumbled and bumped into Roman. He turned to see what hit him, and there was a man standing there.

"Watch it," said Virgil. "You almost knocked me over."

The man stared at them for a moment, before spitting in Virgil's face and hissing, "Gay freaks."

Virgil wiped his face with his sleeve as Roman started forward. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," the man replied. "Gay freaks."

Virgil could see Roman was about to punch this man in the face, and grabbed his arm. Roman turned to look at him.

"Roman, it's okay. Let's just go home."

Roman nodded. "I- you're right, Virge."

Roman returned to his spot next to Virgil, and the two began to walk. Roman could hear fast footsteps behind him and turned around.

The next thing he processed was pain, and Virgil was shouting and the man was running away.

He remembered the man charging at Virgil, holding a knife, Roman putting himself in between them, trying something, anything to protect his Emo Nightmare. He remembered the knife going in, coming out, clattering to the ground as the man took off.

Virgil was crying, on the phone. "Please- PLEASE! My boyfriend- he got stabbed, please, I need an ambulance, we're at the corner of Westview and Atkins Road, please hurry!"

Virgil put the phone away, knelt next to Roman, who was now lying on the ground. "Roman? Roman, please, hang on, they'll be here soon, the ambulance is coming."

Virgil's face was going in and out of focus. Roman felt his eyes droop.

"No, no, don't you dare," Virgil said, barely comprehensible through his tears. "Don't fall asleep Roman, please, hang on, please."

But Roman could feel he wouldn't make it. He lifted a hand- the movement taking most of his remaining energy- and placed it on Virgil's cheek, who held it there with his own.

"I love you," whispered Roman. 

Virgil tried not to get any more tears on Roman as he replied, "I love you too."

"Can.." It was taking all of Roman to keep talking. "Can you sing?"

Virgil took a breath and nodded, ready to do one last thing for the man he loved more than anything. He swallowed thickly and began. 

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine."

Roman smiled weakly and joined in.

"You make me happy when skies are grey."

Virgil gave him a shaky smile as more tears fell down his face.

"You'll never know dear, how much I love you."

Roman was trying his hardest to keep going.

"Please don't take my sunshine away."

Roman's eyes had fluttered shut.

Virgil knew it was too late.

But he had to finish the song.

For Roman.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey."

The last lines of the song were barely audible.

"You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away."

And Roman was dead, in the cold of the night, in the lap of the boyfriend he had loved so much, blood staining his shirt and jacket, and his boyfriend held him as he cried, and begged him to come back, although he knew it was useless.

But Roman was happy. 

That the last thing he had seen was the most beautiful face he'd ever seen, heard was his beautiful boyfriend's voice.

Virgil gave Roman one last hug, holding him, willing his life force to bleed into Roman. He laid one last kiss on Roman's forehead, and whispered, "Goodbye, Roman."


	2. Gone

WARNING: Abuse

WARNING: Somewhat less hideous angst than the first one shot. I think.

Roman paced back and forth on his phone, too restless for sleep, just like every other night for the past three weeks.

Ever since Virgil had gone missing.

Roman had woken one morning to see that Virgil wasn't beside him anymore, his phone was gone, and neither of the others had seen him.

They had called him and searched and talked to the police and put up posters.

And they still hadn't found him.

Patton had cried himself to sleep every night since.

Logan had thrown himself into work to bury the grief.

Roman had not stopped searching, not stopped hoping that today would be the day, that finally someone would call and Virgil would be found and they would be together again.

He heard the soft sobbing from Patton's room, the non-stop clicking on Logan's computer.

He walked to the window in his room and threw it open, staring at the moon.

I'm coming, Virgil. I'm going to find you. I promise.

Virgil sat bolt upright, feeling the cold chains around his wrists and neck.

"Looks like my plaything finally woke up. Didn't I say you weren't allowed to sleep?"

Virgil looked around in terror. He had been trapped here for weeks, though it felt much longer.

It was dark, and cold and wet. Virgil was chained to the wall by his neck and wrists, having only a blanket to protect himself from the cold.

He squinted into the darkness, searching for his captor, before something slapped him, hard, across the face. 

"I said." Suddenly the figure was right in front of him, face covered almost entirely by a black mask. "Didn't I say you weren't allowed to sleep?"

Virgil nodded, trying to avoid more pain.

The figure leant back. "You broke the rules. You know what that means."

Virgil nodded again, screwing his eyes up tight. 

"You need to be punished."

Virgil cried out in pain as the knife slashed across his arm. He grabbed his arm with his other hand, trying to stem the bleeding. What had Logan said to do if you start bleeding? Apply pressure to the wound.

He yelled again as the knife cut him again, over his thigh.

He held it with his free hand, trying to stop the tears from spilling over.

Just breathe. He'll be gone soon.

He forced his eyes open, willing himself not to cry.

Sure enough, after a moment of silence, the figure turned and walked away, to the door Virgil could neither see nor reach.

As soon as they were out of sight, Virgil slumped down in his chains.

Hurry, guys. He thought. Please find me.


	3. Broken

"Logie..?"

Logan wiped his face, straightening his glasses a moment before Patton opened the door.

"You alright? You didn't come to dinner."

Don't tell him.

"Yes, Patton, I'm fine."

Patton crossed his arms. "You haven't come to dinner for the past four days, you've locked yourself in your room most of that time, and I'm worried!"

He doesn't care. Why would he?

"Patton. I'm fine."

Patton walked over and hugged Logan. "No, you're not. I can feel it."

Logan sat still until Patton let go. "You can't 'feel' anything. Well, you can, but not in that way. Unlike me," he finished under his breath.

"Yes I can Logie. I can sense emotions, and you're not okay. Do you want to talk?"

He doesn't care how you are.

"Patton.."

He'll laugh at you.

"I.."

Don't. Do it.

"No."

"Logie.."

He doesn't care.

"Patton, stop pretending."

"Pretending?"

He hates you.

He thinks you're useless.

Emotionless.

Broken.

Freak.

Robot.

Broken.

Broken.

Logan snapped.

Tears poured down his face.

"Please, stop!"

"Logie!" Patton's arms were around him again. Logan pushed him off.

"Stop doing this, just stop pretending you care."

"Logie, I-"

"STOP."

"That's it. Come on, follow me." Patton got up. Logan didn't move.

Patton took his hand, pulling him up, out of his room and down the hall as Logan's thoughts screamed at him.

He hates you.

Why should he care about you?

He hates you.

Freak.

Broken.

Emotionless.

Broken.

Robot.

Broken.

Patton led him down the hall and into his own room, sitting Logan down on the bed.

"What's wrong?"

Logan could feel the truth about to spill out. He shook his head, clamping his mouth shut. It hinged open.

"I'm always supposed to be the strong one, Logic doesn't have emotions, I have to be the cold, cut off one, and that hurts, Pat, it hurts because then I repress emotions I don't understand, which is almost all of them, and then they just build up until I break. And so I'm the emotionless one, the freak. So just stop, stop acting like you care, no-one does." Logan glared at Patton for a moment before getting up and stalking out of his room, back to the dark and the cold and the quiet of his own.

He shoved open the door, slammed it behind him, flopped onto his bed and began to cry. He cried and cried as the thoughts swirled and shouted.

He'll tell the others.

They'll all laugh at you.

None of them care.

None of them like you.

Broken.

Monster.

Freak.

Broken.

Emotionless.

Broken.

Robot.

Broken.

Broken.

He was broken.


	4. Still Into Him

I tried.

I tried so hard.

I tried not to.

Love only hurts you.

I tried so hard not to fall in love.

But there are times when you can't help it.

Like when we met.

And I knew I liked him.

And now here I am.

Left alone, crying and broken.

The question now is- do I still love him?

Yes.

My phone rings.

It's him.

I press "Accept" and hit speakerphone.

"What do you want?"

"Virgil, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I-"

"Save it." I glare at the screen, even though I know he couldn't see me.

"Virgil, please-"

"I said save it."

I hit "End Call" before he can continue.

Of course he would call.

That's what he does.

Acts like he loves me. Goes out and finds someone else. Goes home with them.

Loves them for a while.

Comes crawling back to me, begging forgiveness.

"That was the last time Virge! I- I promise Virgie, it won't happen again, I promise!"

And I always forgive him.

Roman, that snake.

Which is funny when I think about it.

Roman the snake. 

I always thought I hated Janus. He was the snake, after all.

But no. 

I hate Roman even more.

The problem is-

I still love him.

I still love him, even though I tried so hard not to; not to fall in love, not to keep loving him, not to love him every time he came crawling back like a rat from some new person's house.

I hate him with every fibre of my being.

And yet I love him.

I glance down at my phone for a second before hurling it across the room.

Before collapsing onto my bed in tears.

After finally crying myself out, I get up.

Pick up my phone.

Dial the one number I trust.

"Hey Virge."

"Patton. Code Red. Ice cream and Netflix."

Patton sighs. "I'll be there in 15."

He hangs up.

I feel a bit better.

Pat's coming.

He and I set up this system the second or third time Roman came back from someone's house.

Patton could see he and I wouldn't work.

So he supported me through our whole relationship.

Right until now.

About ten minutes later I hear a knock on the door, and I go to open it.

"Pat, thank-"

"Virgil."

It's not Patton.

"What are you doing here."

It didn't come out as a question and I didn't mean it to.

Why had the snake returned?

"Virgil, please, just let me talk-"

"No. You don't get it, do you? I forgive you every time. Every time, I tell myself, that is the last time, it's okay, I'll help him be better, it won't happen again. A while goes by. I begin to believe it'll be okay. Then you go out again, you find someone else. You love them. You come crawling back as a little more of me breaks. I'm done with us Roman. I'm done with you. Never come back."

"Virge-"

"NEVER!"

Roman, for once, looks remorseful.

But I don't care. 

I slam the door.

I storm back to my bedroom and collapse, in more tears.

There's a knock on the door five minutes later.

"Who is it?" I call.

"It's Patton, I have the ice cream."

I pull open the door and the sight of a friend makes me want to cry again. He looks worried.

"Virgil! I- come on. Netflix time."

Patton quickly puts the ice cream in the kitchen before going down the hall to the cupboard and grabbing the fluffiest blankets I own, that I keep just for this reason.

He comes back up the hall with the blankets and dumps them on top of me, already sitting on the couch.

I fix them up around me as he opens the ice cream, puts a few scoops into a bowl for himself, grabs two spoons, comes over and hands me the tub and a spoon, settling himself next to me with his own bowl.

I turn on the TV and pull up Nightmare Before Christmas.

My favourite movie.

Slowly, I start to feel better.

Dropping Roman hurt.

It still hurts.

But it's for the best.

. . .

. . .

Right?


	5. Gone II

WARNING: Abuse, angst, panic attacks, teensy bit of gore

Virgil let out a sigh of relief. They were gone.

Every time they came back meant more pain, so those shining hours when he was alone were his saviour as he sat there in the dark.

Virgil looked down at his jeans, ripped to shreds and torn away from the shins down, legs riddled with scars.

His arms looked the same. Virgil traced his finger over a particularly large bruise on his forearm, wondering how long he would be here.

He relaxed his back against the wall, trying to calm himself down. The person wouldn't be back for a while, judging by their schedule. They would come in morning and evening, and those unfortunate times when they would appear in the middle of the night. But sometimes they would come off schedule. Catch him sleeping or crying or making noise. 

Meaning pain.

Virgil closed his eyes and tilted his head back, letting out a long breath. 

Please hurry, guys.

Roman was walking through the streets yet again, phone in hand and photo of Virgil in the other. He looked at the houses in front of him. He hadn't checked this neighbourhood yet.

He walked up to the closest house and knocked on the door. He waited a moment as the door opened, revealing a lady, maybe in her early twenties. Roman held up the photo. "Excuse me ma'am, have you seen a man like this?"

The lady studied the photo for a moment before frowning slightly. "No, sorry."

Roman sighed. "Thank you anyway." He walked down the small path and over to the house next door.

Knocking on the door, he rubbed his eyes tiredly. He hadn't gotten more than four hours of sleep, surely. The door opened and there stood a man who looked to be in his seventies or eighties. Roman held up the photo of Virgil. "Excuse me sir, have you seen someone like this?"

The man turned around for a moment. "Just a second.." He picked up a pair of glasses from the table next to him and put them on, turning back to the man in his doorway.

The man stared at the picture for a second. He shifted his gaze to Roman. "I believe I saw him around here a few weeks ago."

Roman couldn't believe it. "Really?"

"Yes-" The man waved an arm toward the big 2-storey house across the street- "He was entering that house there."

Roman immediately turned on his phone. "Thank you- thank you so much!" He sent a text to the group chat Patton had set up.

Roman: Someone's seen Virge!

Patton: Really? Where?

Roman: Over on Kaner Street, I'll be at the corner so you can find me

Patton: Okay kiddo! I'll get Logie and we'll be there in 5!

Patton has gone offline

Roman raced to the corner of the street before leaning back against the light pole. Finally.

Finally, Virgil would be found and this nightmare would be over.

It was hard to tell, but Virgil thought the figure smiled, Virgil's phone in hand. "So, they've found us out. Well, here's what we'll do. Are you listening?"

Virgil nodded immediately. It was comply or get hurt. "I'm going to go and meet them when they knock on the door. You're going to stay completely silent, or I'm going to come down here and make you wish you were never born. When they leave, we're going to get ready to go somewhere else, because clearly if they've managed to find us we need to leave. You understand?"

Virgil nodded again.

The sound of a car pulling up to the path filled the room. The figure left the room, hissing, "Stay quiet."

Virgil squeezed his eyes shut and prayed that he would be free from this hell soon. He listened to the voices upstairs.

"Hello!" It was Patton. Virgil tried to say something, to let them know he was there, but his voice was barely audible from weeks of silence. "We were wondering if you'd seen someone like this?" 

There was silence for a moment. "No, sorry." That was his kidnapper.

"Are you sure?" Another voice pressed. Logan. Virgil cleared his throat and tried again. 

"Guys.." It came out a hoarse whisper.

"Yes, I'm sure. If that's all.."

"No actually, we've been told he came through here a few weeks ago." Roman. His boyfriend.

Come on Virgil, he's here to save you. Breathe and yell.

Virgil coughed violently before screaming, "GUYS! I'M HERE!" His voice was rough and scratchy but loud and so obviously there.

Roman was eyeing the man suspiciously, about to ask another question when they heard a yell.

"GUYS! I'M HERE!"

It was Virgil.

Roman glared at the man and Patton sighed in relief. They'd found him. "I thought you'd said he wasn't here." 

Roman stepped forward and shoved the man out of the way, rushing towards the sound as fast as he could. It only took about fifteen seconds of searching before he found a staircase, going down into darkness.

Virgil heard the rapid steps coming towards him and his breathing picked up pace. Oh no, what if they didn't hear it, what if it's them coming to hurt me again, why didn't I just stay silent why did I have to open my damn mouth Virgil now you're going to get hurt and it's all your fault. His breathing quickened even more as his ears were filled with the rapid beating of his heart.

The door burst open and Virgil almost screamed. 

Someone stormed up to him and he shrank back against the wall, raising his hands to shield his face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't hurt me!"

Roman barreled shoulder-first into the door at the bottom of the stairs and it burst open, revealing a figure crouched on the floor, attached by chains to the wall. It was Virgil.

Roman rushed towards him as Virgil shrank back as fast as he could, covering his face with his arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't hurt me!"

Roman stopped short, noticing the scars and bruises littering his arms. "Stormcloud... What did that.. that man do to you?"

Virgil slowly lowered his arms, looking uncertainly at the man in front of him. "R-Roman?"

Roman nodded, eyes welling up. "It's me Stormcloud."

Virgil tried to reach for him but his hand was caught by the chain. Roman reached out a hand, taking Virgil's in his own. "Stormcloud.. What did he do to you?"

Virgil took a breath, preparing to answer, before bursting into tears. He was saved.

Virgil sat there, crouched on the floor, sobbing his eyes out as his boyfriend stood before him.

Roman dropped to his knees and moved closer. Virgil let out a small squeak and moved backwards before remembering it was just Roman. "Are you okay Virgil?"

Virgil looked at Roman and took a breath, breathing out slowly and wiping his face. "Th-they would come in here and hu-urt me ev-everyday and th-that's why I look like this.." He was in tears again. Roman took Virgil in his arms and held him until Virgil stopped crying. They could hear shouting upstairs. Virgil was confused. "What's happening?"

"We're getting you out of here, and if I'm correct Patton has already called the police." Roman pulled at the chains. 

"They probably have the k-key, R-Ro.."

Roman looked uncertainly at Virgil. "Will you be okay down here for a few minutes while I go and get the key?"

Virgil smiled, trying his best to retrieve his old humour. "I was down here for three w-weeks, I can handle a few minutes."

"If you're sure." Roman released Virgil from his arms and stood up, moving towards the door. "I'll leave this open."

Virgil nodded as his boyfriend ascended the stairs. He was saved.

Virgil listened as the sound of sirens got closer, and more shouting filled the room. Police. He would be out of here soon.

He suddenly heard loud footsteps getting closer. It didn't sound like Roman.

Virgil watched in horror as his kidnapper ran into the room, chased by about three policemen. 

In the second it took for them to reach them, Virgil's kidnapper raised the knife in his hand and slashed Virgil across his left eye.

Virgil screamed as blood flowed out his eye and tears from the other and the figure was restrained and Roman came thundering down the stairs, holding a key, closely followed by Logan and Patton.

Roman wasted no time in rushing forward and unlocking Virgil's chains before yelling up the stairs, "He's down here!" and four paramedics ran down the stairs.

Two of them went straight to Virgil, helping him up and moving him towards the door, while the other two stopped for a moment, taken aback by the smell of sweat and tears and blood and the stains on the walls and floor.

Roman followed behind as the paramedics took Virgil up the stairs and out towards the ambulance.

As they laid him on a stretcher in the back of the ambulance Roman came running out of the house. "I- I need to come in with him."

"Are you a relative?" One of the paramedics asked. 

"I'm his boyfriend, please, just let me in-"

She nodded and Roman climbed into the back next to Virgil, taking his hand. "It's okay Stormcloud, we're getting you to a hospital."

"I'm... I'm safe?" Virgil's tone clearly showed he couldn't believe it. 

"Yes Virgie," Roman replied. "You're safe."


	6. Gone III

WARNING: PTSD, panic attacks, angst, general fear

Roman sat in the back of the ambulance, tracing his thumb in a circle over the back of Virgil's hand, messaging Patton with his phone in the other hand.

Roman: I'm in the ambulance, we've got V

Patton: Okay kiddo

Logan: The police have got the man under arrest, Patton and I need to fill out a few forms and then we'll head to the hospital

Roman: Okay, see you there

Roman has gone offline

Roman looked to his boyfriend, lying on the stretcher next to him. He looked like all he wanted to do was sleep, but was refusing himself.

"Stormcloud, you can sleep y'know," Roman said softly. Virgil turned his head towards Roman, fear obvious in his eyes.

"I can't.. I can't sleep, what if he comes back, he'll punish me for sleeping, I-" Virgil's breathing picked up the pace. "He'll come back and he'll hurt me, I'm not allowed to sleep, if I do then he'll hit me or he'll cut me again-" Virgil's one unharmed eye seemed to glaze over, looking at Roman but not seeing, as he breathed hard and his heart beat out of his chest.

"Virgil? Virgil!" Roman gripped Virgil's hand tightly and sat up. "Virgil listen to me. Name five things you can see."

"Uh.. Y-You.. Hands.. Th-The ambulance.. The stre-stretcher.. and your ph-phone.."

"Name four things you can feel."

"P-Pants.. The stretcher.. The way the ambulance is mov-moving.. And- and my bl-blood.." Virgil starting crying again, what had just happened now sinking in.

"Virgil, Virgil! Listen, you're doing so well! Three things you can hear!" Roman was really worried. His boyfriend was going to have PTSD, no doubt about that.

Virgil did his best to control his crying. "My-my crying.. your v-voice and th-the cars on the ro-road.."

"Two things you can smell, Stormcloud you're almost done."

"Uhh.. The antis-septic and your-your cologne.."

"And one thing you can taste."

"B-blood."

Roman hugged Virgil. "You did that so well, it's okay Virge."

Virgil nodded, hugging Roman back.

"He can't find me?" Roman pulled back and Virgil was looking at him, silently praying for confirmation.

Roman smiled at his boyfriend. "He can't find you Stormcloud, I promise."

Virgil slowly nodded, leaning back and letting his eye slide shut.

Patton nodded and tried to make it look like he was listening as the police rambled on about forms and papers and can-you-tell-us-this-this-and-this when really he just wanted to get to the hospital, his son could be dying and probably was, and he was stuck here, filling out forms and files.

"...Thank you, we'll leave you to get to the hospital now."

Patton's head snapped up. He grabbed Logan's hand as he thanked the police.

"Logie, come on!" Patton pulled him out the door to the car waiting on the curb. 

He waited, allowing Logan about fifteen seconds to buckle himself in, before slamming his foot down on the accelerator and driving as fast as he could towards the hospital.

Roman paced back and forth in the hallway, praying Virgil would be okay. 

He.. He was going to be okay. He had to be.

Logan stood up and walked to Roman, holding a small colouring book. "Here," he said in a low voice. "Might take your mind off things."

Roman gratefully accepted the book and sat down, beginning to colour, not allowing his thoughts to stray anywhere near how his Stormcloud was doing...

It seemed like an eternity when a doctor slowly walked out of the room. In an instant, the three friends were on their feet.

"How is he?" Patton almost yelled.

"He's okay, he's sleeping now," the doctor said. "He'll most likely have some form of PTSD, but he'll be fine. Did he have any pre-existing mental conditions?"

"Yes, he has bad anxiety," Roman said.

"Then his anxiety will most likely be heightened for a while. I trust that you three will help him?"

The three nodded vigorously. The doctor nodded in response. "You can go in and see him if you want."

Roman rushed into the room, closely followed by Patton and Logan.

Seeing Virgil lying there, in contrast with the pristine white sheets, he looked so much worse.

He had stitches running all over his arms, bruises and minor cuts not worth stitching out in the open, a red hand print on his cheek, a large patch over his left eye.

Roman sat down in the chair closest to Virgil, taking his hand and silently sitting there, willing himself not to cry.

Patton sat in the chair by Virgil's feet and openly cried, praying his son would be alright, that he would get better.

Logan sat in the chair next to the door, resolutely staring at the ground.

A small groan filled the room. "R-Roman?"

Roman stood up immediately. "Virgil?"

Virgil smiled.

"Hey Stormcloud," said Roman quietly, placing a hand on Virgil's cheek. "You okay?"

Virgil thought for a moment. "I think so."

Roman opened his mouth to continue talking when he got pushed to the side, Patton taking his place. "Virgil are you okay? What did he do to you? How are you feeling? Do you need a hug?" Patton gasped. "Am I asking too many questions?"

Virgil shut his eye. "Too many questions.." He mumbled. 

"Sorry, kiddo.." Patton whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"Everything hurts.. Completely terrified he's gonna find me.. Bone tired... Otherwise fine."

Patton hugged him, not letting him go for a while after Virgil hugged back. Logan stepped forward. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Hello Virgil. I hope you're okay. I.. I will do my best to help you recover from this."

Virgil smiled. That was almost the best you could get out of Logan. "Thanks Lo.."

There was a knock and Virgil's head whipped towards the door, eye wide. "It's okay Stormcloud, it's just one of the doctors," Roman said, noticing Virgil's fear. Virgil nodded and tried to relax back onto his pillows. Logan opened the door and several hospital workers were standing there. 

"We have to take Virgil upstairs to another room," One of them said. Logan and Patton moved out of the way as the workers wheeled the bed out of the room, followed by Roman.

Virgil lay in bed, listening to the breathing around him, feeling the circles Roman was tracing on the back of his hand with his thumb. Patton and Logan were sitting on chairs near the end of his bed as the curtains were pulled back by a young lady holding a clipboard. "Hello, sorry for the interruption but our Visiting Hours are over."

Patton and Logan stood up, saying goodbye to Virgil and making their way out. "Please can I stay, I'm his boyfriend and I really need to be here for him," Roman said, hoping he could stay with Virgil. 

The lady looked conflicted for a moment. "I can allow you to stay another half hour. That alright?"

Roman and Virgil nodded. "Thank you so much." She nodded and left. Roman quickly pulled his phone out.

Roman: I'll be out in a bit, wait for me

Patton: Okay kiddo! See you soon

Patton has gone offline

"Ro?"

Roman looked up, his boyfriend was looking at him. "Yes Stormcloud?"

"I don't think I can sleep here.."

Roman smiled softly. "Want me to sing you a song?"

Virgil nodded, repositioning himself in bed. "Yes please."

Roman cleared his throat as quietly as he could, before singing him a softer, shorter version of Taylor Swift's "How You Get The Girl".

"And then you say, I want you for worse or for better."

Virgil smiled, letting his eye close.

"I would wait for ever and ever, broke your heart, I'll put it back together."

Virgil's breathing had slowed, he looked completely peaceful.

"I would wait for ever and ever."

Roman kissed Virgil's forehead. He must have been exhausted to have fallen asleep that quickly.

Roman quietly got up and made his way to the end of the bed, whispering, "Goodnight Stormcloud," before quickly making his way out of the hospital and out to the car waiting for him.


	7. Gone IV

WARNING: PTSD, abuse, angst

Hwehwehweh *Laughing my head off as I reread this*

Virgil opened his eye, breathing hard and looking around wildly before registering where he was and relaxing slightly.

It had to be around 2 am, surely, judging by the lighting in the hospital.

He buried his head back into his pillow and tried to get some more sleep, and eventually, he did.

Virgil was woken at around 8 am by the arrival of a nurse who gave him breakfast and told him he could go home that day. "As long as you don't overexert yourself, and stay with people you trust, okay?"

Virgil nodded. "Is there anyone we can call to pick you up?"

Virgil gave her Roman's number, and after checking his bandages and eye patch, she left.

About 15 minutes later she returned, followed by Roman.

"Hey Stormcloud."

Virgil smiled "Hey Ro.."

"Come on, let's go home." Roman helped Virgil up and down the stairs to the car waiting outside, quickly stopping at the receptionist to check him out.

Virgil sat down in the passenger, plugging himself in as Roman walked around to the other side of the car and climbed in the driver's side.

"Do you want to listen to music?" Roman asked.

Virgil thought for a moment. He was all too familiar with silence, having been stuck in that basement for weeks. "Can we listen to Disney?"

Roman smiled. "Sure Stormcloud."

Roman pressed Play on his phone and Reflection began to play.

Virgil smiled and leaned his head back, closing his eye and feeling his hand taken into Roman's as he drove the two of them home.

Upon getting home, Patton ran over to Virgil as soon as he walked through the door, making him flinch. "Oops, sorry Virgil. Can I hug you?"

Virgil took a moment to compose himself before nodding.

Patton beamed and hugged him immediately.

Logan walked over from the couch, smiling. "Welcome home Virgil."

Virgil smiled back. "Hey Lo."

"Can we have a movie night to celebrate?" Roman asked from behind Virgil.

"Ooh! Yes! I'll make popcorn!" Patton said, finally releasing Virgil.

Virgil hugged Roman. "Definitely."

Logan held up several movies. "Which one should we watch first?"

Virgil pointed toward Aladdin. Logan nodded and pushed it into the machine before joining the others on the couch.

Virgil tried to relax. He'd been on edge since he'd escaped, and it was exhausting.

He was home, safe with his family, and that man would never be able to hurt him again.

They were only about halfway through Aladdin when Virgil realised he was so damn tired. He snuggled closer to Roman, who looked down at him, kissing his forehead. 

"Roman?" Virgil whispered, so as to not disturb the others.

"Yes Stormcloud?" Roman replied in an equal tone.

"Will you protect me?"

Roman smiled. "Forever."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Virgil seemed satisfied, and buried his head into Roman's chest, drifting off to sleep with Roman's arms locked around him.

Roman walked towards him slowly, smirking.

He had heard Virgil crying.

Virgil was chained to the wall again, unable to run.

He pulled on his chains, and of course that didn't work.

Roman stopped in front of him and crouched down. "What were you doing?"

"I- I was crying.."

"That's right. You were making noise. You broke the rules. This means punishment, you know."

Virgil nodded, pulling back as far as he could.

Roman pulled back a hand and punched him, hard, in the stomach.

Virgil gasped, winded, and tried to catch his breath as Roman raised his hand again, slapping him across the face.

The abuse went on and on, Roman just wouldn't stop. 

And Virgil shot up with a scream.

"Virgil? Are you okay Stormcloud?" Roman placed an arm around Virgil.

"No! Don't- Don't touch me!" Virgil screamed, flinching away from Roman. His eye was wide and he was hyperventilating, whole body shaking.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Roman said gently, taking Virgil's hand. "Listen to me. You're safe and he isn't going to hurt you again. I'm here now. Trust me, I won't let anyone hurt you."

Virgil pulled his hand away, trying to get away from Roman. "Get away from me!"

"Virgil? It's me, it's Roman. I'm not going to hurt you-" 

Virgil was looking left and right, searching for a way to escape. "Patt.. I need Patton.." 

Roman decided it would be best if he went and got Patton, and carefully got up, keeping his movements slow so he wouldn't scare Virgil even more. "Virgil, it's okay. I'm going to get Patton now, okay?"

Virgil didn't seem to hear him, he just seemed happy that Roman had moved away from him.

Once Roman reached the door he quickly ran down the hallway and knocked on Patton's door. He didn't blame him for the small pause before he opened the door, it was around 2 in the morning. "What?"

"It's Virgil, he's freaking out and he won't let me get anywhere near him, he was saying he wanted you," Roman explained as quickly as he could while leading Patton back to Virgil's room.

Patton nodded and rushed into the room as Roman stood at the doorway.

Virgil tried to control his breathing. He could hear quick footsteps in the hallway outside and suddenly someone rushed up to him.

Instinctively he shrank back, raising his arms to protect his face, before he heard a voice.

"Virgil? Kiddo, what's wrong?" Patton. Thank goodness.

"R-Roman, he was hitting me and I couldn't es-escape.."

"Can I hug you?" Virgil nodded, and felt himself taken into Patton's arms. "Roman was hurting you?"

Virgil nodded again. 

"Where were you when he was hurting you?" Patton asked, holding his son tightly.

"Back in the- the basement.." 

"Virgil? Can you look around for me and tell me where you are?" Patton leant back slightly so Virgil could lift his head.

Virgil looked around. "At- at home.."

"That's right." Virgil buried his face into Patton again. "That was just a dream, Virgil. Roman came to help you, he would never hurt you."

"You promise?"

"I promise, Virge."

Roman was worried. 

His boyfriend was terrified to even be near him! He must've had a bad nightmare.

He'd heard about that kind of thing in trauma victims, where they nightmares of loved ones hurting them.

He listened to the talking as Patton calmed Virgil down and convinced him it was just a nightmare, Roman hadn't really been hitting him, it was PTSD.

Then he heard Patton say, "Do you want to see Roman now?"

A moment passed before Virgil quietly replied, "Yeah.."

Patton turned his head to the door and gestured for Roman to come inside.

Roman slowly made his way over to the bed, where Virgil was sitting with Patton, shaking slightly.

Roman sat on the edge of the bed and Virgil transferred himself from Patton to Roman's lap, who instantly put his arms around him. "Stormcloud."

Virgil looked up at Roman. "Yeah?"

"I would never, ever, hurt you. No matter what."

Virgil nodded and held Roman tighter.

~~~

It had been years since "The Incident", as Virgil had requested the others call it.

Virgil was recovering from his trauma, with the help of his family, though they all knew his PTSD would never fully go away.

There would always be the nightmares, times when Virgil would flinch if people ran up to him, times when he would hold Roman tight and ask again and again if he was safe.

But his family always supported him.

And then came the day of the wedding.

The happiest day of Virgil's life, walking down that aisle.

Standing at the altar with Roman.

The bonding kiss.

The reception.

And sitting with Roman at the beach, holding hands, and Virgil asked the question he already knew the answer to.

"Ro?"

Roman turned to him. "Yes Stormcloud?"

Virgil lowered his head onto Roman's shoulder. "Will you protect me?"

Roman smiled and leaned his head on top of Virgil's, the two of them staring out at the ocean. "Forever."

"You promise?"

"I promise."


	8. Get Out

WARNING: Slight domestic abuse

They were fighting.

Fights were nothing new for them, their relationship was never made to last peacefully.

Roman talking, trying to get through to him.

Logan arguing, wondering why he would never stop.

Now was no different.

"Not now, Roman, please-" Logan turned away to leave.

"Yes now, just listen to me!" Roman grabbed Logan's hand and pulled him back to face him.

Roman let out a cry as Logan slapped him, hard. "Not. Now. Understood?"

Roman let go of Logan's hand, placing his instead on his cheek. "You.. You hit me... You really hit me.."

"Yes, I did. You weren't listening to me," Logan replied coldly. 

"You've never hit me before.. You really hit me.." Roman straightened up, staring Logan in the eye. "Come here. Now." Roman backed up, leading Logan back into the living room, who was looking bored.

"I am trying to patch together our relationship, and you are doing everything you can to destroy it!" Roman yelled. "Why can't you just be happy with me?" 

"Because we are not made for each other, Roman. When will you get it through your thick skull, we don't work and we never have. You need to stop deluding yourself. We are done." Roman's eyes were slowly filling with tears, hearing Logan say that. "You always walk around with your head in the clouds, not paying attention to anything! Roman, you need to get a grip and a life, you can't just keep pretending everything's fine!" Logan finished his spiel, glaring at the man staring at him, when finally Roman found his voice.

"Get out."

"Gladly." Logan turned again, making his way to the door. 

"And don't come back!"

"I don't intend to."

Roman watched as Logan left the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

And fell to his knees in tears, sobs violently racking his body and what was the point of wiping them away? He let himself cry, knowing, praying he would feel better later.

But of course he wouldn't.


	9. Waves

WARNING: Self harm, death, suicide, angst

This one's pretty short, but here- have some angst.

I've always loved watching the waves, from the cliff near my house.

They helped me calm down.

I've been coming here for years.

And then there were the rumours of the gods, the ones that guarded the oceans and protected the creatures inside them. My father joked that they liked me, since they had known me since I was young.

I was 7, my father took me to the cliff and held my hand tightly as I leaned forward to look over the edge.

I was 10, sitting here on my stool with my paints and my easel, painting the waves as they crashed below me.

I was 12, crying my eyes out as my bully's words echoed in my ears.

I was 14, reading my favourite book for the millionth time, sitting here with my legs dangling over the edge.

I was 15, tears blurring my vision as I dragged the razor across my skin once, twice, three, four, five times before throwing it into the ocean and collapsing in tears.

I was 17, staring out into the distance, smelling the sea air and trying to forget school that day.

I was 20, now living in the house my parents had, choking on sobs as I remember the day they died, that horrible car crash that I only just managed to escape from before it burst into flames.

I was 21, sitting here silently, the night of my birthday, watching the sea under the watchful eye of the moon, breathing in and out with the waves.

I am 24, staring at the waves, before I fall.

I brace myself for death to come, sweet oblivion.

Instead I feel myself held in the arms of many people.

"Oh, no," I hear so many voices speak as one. "We cannot destroy something who has loved us for so long."

The gods from the myths. My eyes well up as I look to them and think about why I am here.

"You don't understand," I cry to the waves. "I didn't fall- I jumped."

\-----------------

This was weird

And very short


	10. Rain

**WARNING** : Sexual assault, flashbacks, angst

 **NOTE** : If you have been sexually assaulted, please speak up! It is not your fault it happened to you, no matter what you think. You were not asking for it, and it is not a compliment. Please talk to someone

Patton always loved the rain.

He would listen to it pounding on the roof, sit in his backyard and let it drench him.

It made him feel clean, help him forget that horrible night- 

No.

Don't think about that.

Patton turned his face up and closed his eyes, feeling the rain on his face. He shivered slightly, but he didn't care.

The human body's cells are always regenerating, he thought to himself, reciting what he had read years earlier. Dying and regenerating. A full body regeneration takes roughly seven years. One day I will have a body you have never touched. That thought kept Patton going. One day I will have a body you have never touched.

It was reaching the three-year mark since it happened.

He remembered that night vividly..

No.

Stop thinking about it.

It was time to go inside.

As much as he wanted to stay outside forever, he didn't want to get sick, sitting out here in the freezing cold rain.

Patton checked the clock as he walked inside, shaking his head to clear some of the water out.

It was nearly 6 pm. Time to get something happening for dinner.

Patton's mind wandered as he slowly boiled water and poured in pasta, humming Disney songs to himself as he spun around the kitchen.

Virgil would be here soon.

It had been nearly three years, but he still insisted on showing up, every day, just to check on him.

Patton hadn't bothered changing into dry clothes, Virgil was used to Patton's love of the rain.

Patton smiled as he heard the door unlock and creak open.

It was easier for Virgil to just have a key, so he could let himself in.

"Hey Patt."

"Hey kiddo!" Patton said, turning around. Instantly, he knew something was wrong. Virgil was looking worried, really worried, and kept glancing toward the door, which he'd made sure he'd locked once he'd entered. "What's wrong?"

"Patt- I think it's best if you sit down for this."

Now Patton was worried.

He and Virgil walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Patton.. He's out. He escaped jail."

The memories came flooding back in, the memories Patton always tried his best to block out.

_It was a warm night. A nice temperature for Summer._

_Patton heard his phone ring from the kitchen and walked over, seeing it was Remus. He hit Accept and held the phone to his ear. "Hey Remus!"_

_"Hi Patton. I was wondering.. Did you want to come to the park with me?"_

_"Yeah! Let me just get ready, and I'll be right there!"_

_"Okay. See you there."_

_Patton pressed End Call and put his phone down, quickly running upstairs to change into something other than his pyjamas._

_He came back downstairs a few minutes later, grabbing his phone, wallet and keys, and leaving the house._

_He walked down to the park near his house. He met up with his friends a lot there, so Remus' request wasn't unusual._

_He made his way over to the big tree in the middle of the park where he always met up with the others whenever they went to the park._

_He saw the figure standing next to it and smiled, raising his arm and waving. Remus waved back._

_The two walked around the park for a while, before Remus looked up. "It's getting late. Want to come to mine? We can watch some movies."_

_Patton nodded. "Sure!"_

_They went back to Remus' car and got in, driving to Remus' house._

Patton should've never agreed.

He'd blocked out most of that awful night, but he would never forget Remus' words when he finally stopped. 

_"This'll be our little secret, right darling? Just our secret."_

_Patton had been too traumatised to do anything more than nod numbly._

_"Want me to drive you home?"_

_Patton nodded again. He didn't want to be any closer to Remus but he was his only way home, he wasn't walking home at this time of night._

_"Bye, darling!" Patton didn't reply, didn't wave or even look at Remus, he just walked up his small path to the front door and unlocked it, locking it tightly behind him as soon as he was inside._

_He slowly made his way up to his room, sitting down on the bed as what had just happened began to sink in, and Patton began to cry._

_He had been violated in the worst way._

_Someone he had considered a friend had violated his boundaries and his body._

_Patton didn't leave his house for the next three weeks, walking silently around his house, ignoring calls from his "friends"._

_He couldn't even trust his friends, could he?_

_After three weeks, finally Virgil got too worried to continue leaving messages and went to Patton's house, knocking on the door and waiting for at least five minutes until finally the door opened, a tiny bit. "Who is it."_

_"It's Virgil, please Patton, we're all really worried."_

_Hearing Virgil's voice, Patton broke into tears, opening the door fully and dragging Virgil inside, slamming the door shut behind him._

_"Patton, what happened?"_

_It took an hour of talking for Virgil to convince Patton to tell him what happened._

_Together they'd pressed charges and gotten Remus sentenced, and Virgil had started visiting him everyday._

Patton wasn't looking at Virgil, he seemed to be looking past him, tears slowly sliding down his face, and jumped as Virgil gently placed a hand on his face to wipe them away. Patton's eyes focused on Virgil and the tears came faster as Patton threw himself into Virgil's arms and holding him tightly, feeling Virgil do the same. 

Virgil was the only one allowed to touch Patt anymore.

"Don't worry Patt, they'll find him soon."

"Can you stay with me until they do?"

"Of course I can."

Patton pulled back and Virgil wiped more tears from his face. "Can we watch some Disney?"

Virgil nodded. "I'm going to get some blankets, you pick the movie."

Patton nodded, and watched as Virgil made his way up the stairs before walking over to the DVD case and pulling out Aladdin and slotting it into the machine.

He settled himself on the couch, and Virgil came downstairs carrying an enormous pile of blankets.

He dropped them all on the floor and quickly went to the kitchen to make popcorn as Patton got to work making himself a nest of blankets to sit inside.

Virgil came over a few minutes later holding a bowl of popcorn, and sat down next to the pile of blankets surrounding Patton.

He offered the bowl to the pile, and a hand reached out from inside to take some. "Thanks Virge."

"Anytime Patt."

Virgil had texted the others so they wouldn't get worried about him not showing up, and was preparing to leave. The two of them had been at Patton's house for about a week, Patton didn't feel safe going out in public and they needed groceries.

"Be careful, okay Virge? We have no idea where he is, and he could be anywhere.. Promise you won't take too long?"

Virgil smiled, giving Patton a hug. "I promise I'll be back soon. And of course I'll be careful."

"Okay then... I'll see you soon."

Virgil nodded and made his way out he door, locking it behind him. Patton went back to the couch and sat back down. He'd been watching Disney nonstop, just to take his mind off things.

Around three quarters of the way through the movie, the lock clicked and Patton turned his head toward it.

That was faster than he'd expected.

He stood up to go help Virgil with the bags, and made his way to the door as it swung open.

And he stopped short.

Remus grinned darkly.

"Hello.. Darling..."

Patton's scream wasn't loud enough to make it past Remus' hand.


	11. My R

WARNING: Suicide, self harm, angst

Just as I was about to take my shoes

Off on the rooftop there I see

What was Patton doing here?

A girl with braided hair here before me

Despite myself I go and scream

"Hey.. Don't do it- please.."

Patton turned around.

"Roman?"

Woah wait a minute- what did I just say?

I couldn't care less anyway

To be honest I was somewhat pissed

This was an opportunity missed.

"Why are you up here Patt?"

The girl with braided hair told me her woes

"You've probably heard it all before

I really thought that he might be the one

But then he told me he was done.."

Roman couldn't control his anger.

"For God's sake please! Are you serious, I just can't believe

That for some stupid reason you got here before me

Are you upset that you can't have what you wanted?

You're lucky that you've never gotten robbed of anything!"

Roman sank down in tears.

Patton climbed back over the railing.

"I'm feeling better, thank you for listening."

He cast a worried glance toward Roman before making his way to the stairs.

The girl with braided hair then disappeared.

Roman strode confidently out onto the roof.

Alright, today's the day- or so I thought

Just as I took both of my shoes off

There was but a girl short as can be

Despite myself I go and scream.

Virgil turned around and looked at the desperate man behind him. "Roman?"

"Virgil what are you doing here?"

The petite girl told me her woes

"You've probably heard it all before

Everyone ignores me, everyone steals

I don't fit in with anyone here."

That was why Virgil was up here?

For the second time, Roman snapped.

"For God's sake please! Are you serious? I just can't believe

That for some stupid reason you got here before me

'Cause even so, you're still loved by everyone at home

There's always dinner waiting at the table, you know!"

Tears ran down Roman's face as he screamed.

Virgil climbed back over the railing.

"I'm hungry,"

Said the girl as she shed a tear.

Virgil made his way back to the stairs.

The girl short as can be then disappeared.

Over the next few days, Roman had come up onto the roof to find another person.

And like that, there was someone every day

I listened to their tale, I made them turn away

And yet there was no one who would do this for me

No way I could let out all this pain

Roman angrily walked out to the roof before stopping short.

For the very first time, there I see

Someone with the same pains as me

"R-Roman..?"

Having done this time and time again

She wore a yellow cardigan 

"Janus?"

Janus smiled sadly.

"I just wanna stop the scars that grow

Every time that I go home

That's why I came up here instead."

That's what the girl in the cardigan said.

Janus held up his arms to display bloodied bandages wrapped around his wrists.

Roman was shocked.

Woah wait a minute- what did I just say?

I couldn't care less anyway

But in the moment I just screamed

Something that I did not believe.

"Hey.. Don't do it- please.."

Agh- what to do?

I can't stop this girl, oh this is new

Janus just continued smiling at him, melancholy echoing through him.

For once I think I've bitten off more than I can chew

But even so

"Please just go away so I can't see

Your pitiful expression is just too much for me!"

Janus climbed back over the railing and hugged Roman tightly. 

"I guess today is just not my day."

Janus let Roman go and made his way back to the stairs. 

She looked away from me and then she disappeared.

Roman walked out onto the thankfully empty roof.

There's no-one here today, I guess it's time

Silently, Patton stepped out onto the roof beside Roman.

"It's just me myself and I."

Roman started as Virgil joined them.

"There's no-one who can interfere."

Logan joined the group.

"No-one to get in my way here."

"What are you guys doing here?" Roman asked as Janus and Remus made their way out too.

Virgil smiled and took Roman's hand in his own. 

"Joining you."

The six of them climbed over the railing and stood in the wind, tears streaming down each of their faces as they smiled and gripped each other's hands.

"Taking off my yellow cardigan."

Janus' bandages unraveled and fluttered down to the streets 30 storeys below.

"Watching my braids all come undone."

Patton took out the hair clip he always wore, a present from Logan, and set it down on the roof behind him.

"This petite girl"

Virgil smiled wider.

"Short as can be" 

Remus looked along the line of friends awaiting their deaths.

"Is gonna jump now and be free"

Roman breathed a sigh of relief as the six of them bent their knees and jumped at once.

This nightmare was over.


	12. It's Always Worked Before...

WARNING: Suicide, self harm, angst

Roman had always been different.

He'd known that for years.

He had healing powers.

His parents had made sure he kept them hidden from most people, only telling those who really needed to know, those he could trust.

He sat on his bed, painting a watercolour picture.

It was a picture of him, his boyfriend Virgil, and their best friends Patton and Logan.

He was making it for Virgil's upcoming birthday.

Roman was planning on telling Virgil about his powers on his birthday, and he smiled as he remembered all the times they had worked.

"Woah!" 

There was a loud thud and Roman turned around to see his best friend on the ground, crying.

"Thomas?"

"I f-fell off the s-swing.." Thomas sobbed, clutching his knee.

"Can I see?" The nine-year-old made his way to his friend, who uncovered his knee.

There was a bright red scrape, and there was a tiny trickle of blood coming from it.

Roman put his hand over it. "Don't tell anyone I can do this, okay?"

"Wh-what?" Thomas asked. Roman ignored him.

"Flower, gleam and glow

Let your power shine

Make the clock reverse

Bring back what once was mine."

Thomas looked up at Roman as his knee glowed gold and he wiped his tears away.

"Heal what has been hurt

Change the Fates' design

Save what has been lost

Bring back what once was mine

What once was mine."

Roman removed his hand and looked at his friend. The cut was gone.

"Does that feel better?"

Thomas flexed his knee and nodded. "Thanks RoRo."

"It's okay. But remember, you can't tell anyone."

"Okay!"

The pair continued playing.

Roman was walking into the classroom as he saw Valerie wave at him.

He waved back, and she cried out in pain.

She hadn't been looking at her hands and had cut her finger open with the scissors she was holding.

"You good?" Roman asked, making his way over. Valerie held up her bleeding finger. "Here." 

Roman took her hand in his and looked around. The teacher wasn't looking and they were early, there was no-one else in the classroom. "Don't tell anyone about this, okay?" He whispered.

Valerie nodded, completely nonplussed.

Roman began the incantation as Valerie watched him, feeling her finger stitch itself back together.

He finished the incantation and released Valerie's hand, and she pulled it back to look at it. 

There was no sign of the cut.

"How-"

"I've always been able to do it," Roman shrugged. "It's just something I can do. But please don't tell anyone about it."

Valerie nodded. "Thanks."

There had been plenty of times like that, and everyone had promised to keep his secret. About five of his old friends knew, and even though he'd lost contact with them, he trusted them to keep his secret.

Roman finished the painting with an over-the-top stroke and and placed it down to dry as his phone rang. He picked it up.

"Hello Patton!"

Patton was in tears. "R-Roman! Get to Virgil's house, NOW! He- he committed-"

Patton didn't need to finish the sentence. "I'm coming right now."

"P-Please hurry.."

Roman hung up the phone and grabbed his wallet and keys before rushing out the door, locking it behind him and driving as fast as he could to Virgil's house.

He barreled through the front door and ran up the stairs, hearing Patton's crying and Logan talking on the phone with what sounded like an ambulance.

He burst through the door and took in the scene. 

Virgil was lying on his bed, unconscious and not breathing, cuts all over his arms and a red mark around his throat.

Patton was sitting on the floor crying and glancing up at Virgil every few moments.

Logan was standing in the corner, face paper white and phone to his ear as he relayed the situation to the ambulance.

There was a chair lying on it's side on the floor in the middle of the room, and there was a rope hanging from the ceiling fan that had clearly been cut. The noose itself was cut in half and lying on the floor.

Patton looked up as Roman came in. "Roman!"

"Patton what happened?"

Patton began to talk very fast. "Well I wanted to come over so I texted Virgil to ask him but he didn't reply and I was kind of confused because he almost always replies and I called him and he picked up laughing hysterically and saying he was going to kill himself, and then he hung up and I immediately called you and Logan."

Roman nodded. If there was ever a time for his healing powers, it was now.

Roman sat down on the bed next to Virgil, checking his pulse. 

He didn't have one.

Roman placed his hands over Virgil's heart and began to sing.

"Flower, gleam and glow

Let your power shine

Make the clock reverse

Bring back what once was mine."

Patton looked at Roman like he was sure he had gone insane, and Roman just shook his head in reply.

Virgil's chest began to glow gold, and Roman continued, ignoring Patton's quiet gasp and Logan's small "What?" from behind him. 

"Heal what has been hurt

Change the Fates' design

Save what has been lost

Bring back what once was mine

What once was mine."

The glow faded, but Virgil didn't move.

Roman blanched instantly, checking his pulse again.

Still nothing.

Tears began to stream down his face.

It didn't work.

It didn't work.

His boyfriend, his beautiful Stormcloud, was dead.

"No... No..." Roman was getting more and more frantic as Logan resumed his conversation with the ambulance. "No... It didn't work... But it always works.. It's always worked before.. It always works- It HAS TO WORK!" Roman screamed as tears came thicker, faster, blurring his vision.

It didn't work...

His Stormcloud was gone.


	13. Never Coming Back

WARNING: Murder, death, angst

I told him I'd take a bullet for him.

I never believed I really would have to.

But here I am.

Bleeding out on the concrete.

The world seems to be bending, through the pinhole I can see.

At least I saved him.

I turn my head to the side, even that hurts.

"Virge? Virgie, oh I'm so sorry, what do I do, what do I do, how do I help you, what do I do?" Patton screamed, tears flowing.

"Sunshine. It's okay."

"No, no it's not, you're bleeding, you just got shot for goodness sake it's not okay!" 

I can hear shouting.

I lift my head up to see Roman and Logan screaming at Janus... Who was holding a gun.

What happened? Oh yeah...

Janus cocked the gun, tears streaming down his face. 

"I'm not kidding. I will do it, stay away from me!"

"Janus, kiddo, it's okay. Just put the gun down-"

"Stay. Away. From. Me."

"Janus-"

"STOP!" 

"Kiddo, please listen to me-"

Janus shook his head. "I warned you." He squeezed the trigger as I jumped forward.

Shoved Patton out of the way, to the ground.

Felt a stabbing pain in my chest.

And watched as the world began to bend and Patton began to cry and I began to bleed.

"Sunshine, look at me."

Patton stops fussing over my chest for a moment and looks me in the eye.

"It's okay, Sunshine."

Patton shakes his head slightly and I place a hand on his cheek.

"I love you."

Patton was in full sobs now. "I love you too Virgie."

I gently pull his face down towards mine, kissing him, one last goodbye. "I love you so much Sunshine."

My hand falls to my chest as my vision goes white.

I stand from the side of my boyfriend and look at Janus. "You killed him." My voice is barely audible, but Janus hears it. "You killed him."

"Patton, I-"

I cut him off, moving towards him, no longer crying. "You killed him. You tried to kill me. You looked me in the eye and shot a gun at me and if Virgil hadn't jumped I would have died. And you killed him. How could you? How COULD YOU?" I throw my hand out, gleaning some small satisfaction from the crack I hear as his nose snaps. Janus' hands fly to his face, attempting to stem the blood flow as Roman takes my arms and holds them, in case I try to hit him again. But I don't.

I turn and bury my face into his chest and hold him as I relapse into sobs. Roman hugs me tight and I hug him back, imagining it was Virgil holding me.

And then it hits me.

My boyfriend, the person I loved more than anything, is dead.

Killed by one of my best friends.

One of my best friends shot and killed my boyfriend.

And he's never coming back.

I give up and let myself sink to the ground in tears.

He's never coming back.


	14. Does It Make You Happy?

WARNING: Self harm, suicide, angst

"Does this make you happy now? Does this make you happy?" He screamed, dragging the knife back and forth across his arm.

"Roman, please! Stop!" I pleaded.

Roman shook his head. "I've never been enough for you. I've always tried my hardest, and all you ever enjoyed was my pain. Are you enjoying it now?" He asked as he cut himself again.

"Roman, I'm sorry! I-"

"Sorry isn't enough. I'm not enough. I can't take the loneliness anymore, I just wanted to make you happy. And I never could."

"Roman please, we can talk about this, just please, put down the knife!"

Roman shook his head again, allowing himself a hollow smile. "Janus... I love you. I love you so much." He turned the knife to face his stomach, the point resting on his stomach. My heart dropped.

"Roman, put the knife down. Just put it down, and we can talk it out-" 

Roman smiled wider, blood pouring down his arms, covering his hands and the handle of the knife. He stared me in the eye as he pushed the knife in, up to the handle. 

"Roman!" I rushed forward. "Roman- oh my gosh- Roman, why- LOGAN!" I was in tears by that point.

Logan came running in as Roman began to laugh hysterically. "What's wrong?" 

I couldn't speak, I just stepped to the side and Logan blanched. "Janus, get the first aid kit. Now." 

I nodded and ran out of the room, hearing Logan call back, "And call the ambulance!"

I grabbed the kit from the kitchen and ran back, dialing 9-1-1 with my free hand.

Running back into the room, I stopped in the doorway for a second. Roman was still laughing, weakly now, convulsing violently on the ground.

I moved forward, passing Logan the first aid kit and relaying the situation to the operator.

I looked down at Roman and we locked eyes.

I could see the life slowly leaking out of them.

He mouthed "I love you," and then went still.

"Logan, why didn't you save him?" My voice was strangely quiet.

"I couldn't do it in time, he ruptured several important organs." His voice was shaky, rough.

"Oh no... What do we say when the others come back? Remus might not be able to take it."

Logan seemed to look past me as he answered. "I don't know.."

The ambulance arrived soon after, taking Roman to the hospital to do what they could. I didn't expect them to save him.

Logan and I sat on the couch. I was just staring at the wall, counting down the minutes until the others got home. For the life of me I couldn't tell you what Logan was doing, but his presence was... Comforting, in a way.

The door lock clicked and creaked open, and I turned my head towards it.

"Are you guys okay?" Virgil was looking at me.

"We need to tell you something.." Logan said. "You should probably sit down." 

The three of them sat down and looked at us expectantly. "Roman..." I began, and felt more tears escape my eyes. "He committed suicide."

Virgil's face went hard. Patton looked shocked. Remus stared at me, eyes welling up. "No... No," he said. "This is a joke, this is just a joke.. This is all.. One.. Sick.. JOKE!"

Remus stood up, still staring at me. "This isn't true.. This is just a joke..." He ran up the stairs, crying.

Virgil was now resolutely staring at the floor. Patton was openly crying.

"Logan tried to save him, but it was too late," I added.

Patton just shook his head. Virgil made no indication he'd heard.

We sat, the four of us, in the living room for a while longer.

I just stayed silent, letting them grieve, grieving myself.

I turn my head to the ceiling, towards Heaven, where I know Roman is now sitting. 

"No," I whisper. "You made me happy."


	15. Happier

WARNING: Suicide, angst

NOTE: It's angsty Janus hours

I hope he's happy with them.

He looks happy.

I hope they treat him better than I did.

I screwed up, I know I did.

I pull the photo out of my pocket.

He looked so happy in it. 

I had my arm around him, he was laughing, still wearing his old jacket. Remus was on the other side; he took the photo.

I turn my head up towards the moon. I used to come here almost every night.

With him. 

Funny.. Reminds me of that song. I start singing, singing into the silence.

"When somebody loved me  
Everything was beautiful  
Every hour spent together  
Lives within my heart

And when he was sad  
I was there to dry his tears  
And when he was happy so was I  
When he loved me

When he loved me."

A tear slides down my face.

I know I screwed up.

I just want my Stormcloud back.

But that's not happening.

He loves someone else now.

I can see the way they look at each other.

I smile a little as I remember the nickname I gave them.

The emo and the nerd.

I just want my Stormcloud back.

But that would be torture for him.

He left us to escape.

He didn't want to live with us, and I understood.

I screwed up, I screwed up so badly.

I apologised, I tried.

But he wouldn't take it.

And he left me.

"Baby, you look happier, you do  
I knew one day you'd fall for someone new  
But if he breaks your heart, like lovers do  
Just know that I'll be waiting here for you."

I kiss him, my Stormcloud, the photo.

And place it safely back in my pocket.

He'll be with me in my last moments.

I walk towards the cliff.

I can't do it any more.

I need Virgil.

As I stand on the edge I hear a shout and turn around.

"Janus, please!" It's Remus. "Don't do it! Please!"

I just smile sadly and shake my head.

And push my foot back, losing my balance and falling.

Baby, you look happier, you do

I knew one day you'd fall for someone new

But if he breaks your heart, like lovers do

Just know that I'll be waiting here for you


	16. I Love You...

WARNING: Unsympathetic Patton, graphic abuse, angst

NOTE: *Wincing in pain just writing this*

"P-Please Patton! I'm- I'm sorry! I'm trying, I'll do better, I promise!"

Patton shook his head, not hiding his grin. "Now, Janny. You messed up. You need to learn your lesson."

Janus shrank back even further, just wanting to curl into the darkness and disappear.

Patton summoned a knife. "You made Thomas lie to his friends. That's not okay."

He took in the shaking mess before him for a moment and smiled wider and got down on his knees, resting his weight on his heels. "Janny, honey, can you come here for me?"

Janus slowly took a breath and moved forward. He was all too used to this.

Patton took his arm and turned it over, far too gentle for what he was about to do.

He rested the tip of the knife on Janus' wrist, turning it around and watching the light move on it, before applying pressure and it broke the skin.

Janus cried out, earning himself a deeper cut as Patton pressed harder.

Patton took an antiseptic wipe from the box next to him and wiped down Janus' arm, smiling as Janus whimpered.

"Come on Janny, up you get." Patton helped Janus stand up and sit down on the bed. He took Janus' other arm and tied it to the bed frame, doing the same with his ankles, leaving his cut arm untouched. "I'm sorry Janny, but Thomas can't be a bad person."

Then Patton began to carve lines into Janus, over his wrist, his forearm, his thighs. "It's okay Janny, my room is soundproof. Scream as loud as you need to."

And Janus did. He screamed as Patton carved words into him, liar and evil and mistake.

After what felt like hours, Patton placed the knife down. "Let's get you cleaned up. You took your punishment so well Janny, well done." He untied Janus' arm and legs and let him sit up against the head of the bed as he picked up the wipes. "Janny, this is going to hurt, but we have to do this to make sure you don't get infected, okay?"

Janus nodded weakly, feeling warm blood trickle down his arms and legs, staining the sheets, surely.

Patton sat down next to Janus, not caring about the blood seeping into the bottom of his pants, and began to clean Janus' cuts.

Janus cried out again as Patton wiped down his arm, pressing slightly harder than necessary. "Shh.. It's okay Janny. I love you."

"I love you too." His reply was barely audible. Patton leaned forward and kissed Janus on the forehead before resuming his task.

After cleaning, Patton stood up and got the bandages, wrapping Janus' wrists, arms, legs.

Once he was done, Patton put away the bandages, wipes and knife in the secret cabinet he made three years earlier.

"Janny, I need you to stand up so I can change the sheets." Janus slid off the bed and Patton pulled the sheets off, bundling them up and dumping them on the floor before disappearing into his bathroom for a minute, coming out holding his bloodstained pants. "I'll be back in a minute with some new clothes, okay honey? Just stay here." Janus nodded and Patton left, carrying the bloodstained bundle.

Janus knew what would happen if he let the others see him like this. They would worry, ask him what happened and confront Patton, leading to him lying and more punishment later on.

Patton walked back in a few minutes later, holding a fresh set of clothes. He handed them to Janus, who made his way into the bathroom, dumping the blood soaked clothes on the floor.

The door opened and Janus limped out, grimacing as he put weight on his cut legs.

"Hey Janny?" Janus turned his head to Patton, sitting on the bed. "Can we watch Disney together?"

Patt was back. Not Morality, the terror he faced whenever he messed up. "Of course, Patt."

Janus sat down next to Patton as the Side pressed play on the remote and snuggled up next to him, resembling nothing of the abuser he had been not five minutes ago.

"I love you Janny."

"I love you too Patt."


	17. Attention

WARNING: Unsympathetic Patton, self harm, angst

It cleared my head.

It made me think straight.

I knew it was addictive, I experienced that firsthand.

I tried not to.

Addiction is hard to break.

But I loved it.

I loved the pain, the way it felt, the way it looked as blood dripped off my wrist.

Of course, I had to hide it from the others.

But who would even care?

I'm just Logic.

Cold. Analytical. Emotionless. Useless.

I repeat those words to myself as I carve even more lines into my wrists.

"Cold. Emotionless. Useless. Waste of space. Nerd. Unwanted."

Suddenly I feel myself being pulled down. Thomas was summoning me. Not now, not now, anytime but now!

I rise up, pulling my sleeves down as fast as I can. Thank goodness I wear black. 

"Logan, great. I need your help with something." Thomas begins to ramble on about his latest dilemma. I try my best to help him, but I need to leave, to bandage my cuts and prevent the others from seeing.

"Logan, what's that stain on your sleeve?" Dammit Roman!

"Oh, it's nothing." I move my hand to cover it. "Don't worry about it."

"That wasn't nothing." His face looks deadly serious. "That was a blood stain. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I insist. 

"Show us your wrists." Dammit. I'm screwed.

Slowly, I pull up my sleeves and expose my bleeding wrists. 

Thomas and Virgil gasp. The blood drains from Roman's face. Patton... Looks bored?

Virgil is the first to start talking. "Logan, why?"

"Oh it's obvious isn't it?" Patton cuts in. "He's just doing that for attention. Ignore him."

"Patton, how can you say that?" Thomas says.

His words crush me. I'm just doing this for attention aren't I? "I have to go."

As I sink down I hear Roman yell out, "Logan, wait!" and Patton say, "Let him go. Maybe he'll stop trying to get attention like that."

I run back to my room and pick up the razor again. 

I press it into my skin as Patton's words ring in my ears.

I'm just doing this for attention.


	18. No

**WARNING** : Major character death, suicide, self harm, angst

 **NOTE** : Okay I'm writing this to drive a point home that I can beat my bff in a kind of angst-war how-many-people-are-dead competition, so here you go. Checkmate.

It was supposed to be a fun trip.

It was supposed to just be a day out.

How did it go so wrong?

I feel the tears run down my face as I stare down at the stones.

_Virgil Sanders_

_1989-2020_

_Loved son, brother and boyfriend_

_Roman Sanders_

_1989-2020_

_Gone but not forgotten_

They don't think the others will survive. Logan's in a coma. Janus lost his arm from the elbow down, and lost a lot of blood. He's on life support. Remus broke every bone in his right arm and several ribs. One of the bone shards pierced his lung. He's not expected to live another week.

I got off lucky. I only broke my arm and leg, no long-term damage. Why? Why couldn't I have died like the others, I don't want to live without them! Why did I have to survive? 

I turn around and go home. 

I pull out my razor.

I push it into my skin.

This is what they felt, a hundredfold.

It's not fair.

I throw the razor down and just let my arm drip.

My phone begins to ring.

My mouth dries out. I pick up.

"Hello?"

" _Is this Patton Sanders_?"

"Yes..."

" _I regret to inform you.. Logan and Remus Sanders have passed away_."

Tears begin to fall down my face. No, no, _no_ , NO...

" _I'm sorry for your loss, we tried our best but they didn't make it_."

"Okay.. Thank you for telling me.." That's all I can manage. I hit End Call and throw my phone away.

NO

This all went so wrong.

It's all _his_ fault.

 _He_ was drunk driving.

 _He_ hit us.

 _He_ killed four of my best friends and put the fifth on life support.

I'll never forgive him.

I pick up a pen. 

Pick up a piece of paper.

And begin to write.

_Janus, if you survive, I'm sorry._

_I can't handle it without everyone else._

_I'm joining them._

_If you do read this, I'm sorry to leave you in this world alone._

_But I can't take it._

_I'm ending it, and I hope I'll see you soon._

_Goodbye._

I fold up the letter, place it in an envelope on the table, label it _Janus_ and leave the room.

I leave the house, taking nothing with me but my keys.

I walk to the bridge nearby.

And look over the edge.

It's a long drop.

I wouldn't survive that.

I smile as I climb over the railing.

I stare down at the water and rocks below me.

Take a deep breath.

Look to the heavens.

" _I'm coming, guys_."

And jump.

Back in his house, unbeknownst to Patton, his phone began to ring.

It rang and rang, eventually giving way to voicemail.

" _Hello, Patton Sanders? I regret to tell you but Janus Sanders has just passed away as well. I am sorry for your loss. Please call the hospital soon_."


	19. When You Wish Upon A Star

Warning: Suicide, self harm, angst

Note: Wrote this while working on a request, hecking stressful

I looked up at the sky.

Fixed my eyes on Alpha Centauri.

That was our star.

That.. Used to be our star.

Virgil couldn't take it.

He promised he'd become a star, shining like Alpha Centauri, so I knew he was always there.

At least, that was what the letter had said. I read it again, going over it in my head.

I'm sorry, Logan.

This world just wasn't meant for me.

I'll always be with you, and I'll become a star. A bright one like our star, so you'll always know I'm there.

I know this is just me taking the selfish way out. I know I should be able to do it. But I'm not strong enough, Logan.

I'm sorry.

Your Starlight

Virgil

A tear slides down my face. 

I should've noticed he was hurting. I should've tried to help. I knew he wasn't okay, but he swore he was getting better!

And then he did it.

Slit his wrists and swallowed all the pills he could find.

I want my Starlight back.

I get in the car.

Drive back to our house.

It's too quiet without Virgil. He would always be making sound; talking, laughing, sometimes singing. He had an amazing voice, but he would hardly ever sing in front of anyone.

I go to bed.

Try to ignore the empty side of it.

It's much colder without him here. More tears track down my face as I try to sleep.

And eventually, I do.

I wake from a dream smiling.

Virgil was there. 

And he's gone now.

...

I can't do this.

I need him.

Tears are coming.

Coming fast.

I run to the bathroom and pull out any pills I can find. 

Empty them onto the floor.

Is that enough to kill me? I don't know.

I fill up the cup with water. We always keep a cup in the bathroom.

I begin downing the pills as fast as I can, throwing back mouthfuls of water and three, four, five pills at a time.

The world begins to bend. My arms begin to slow down, but I'm still trying to take more pills.

My arms drop to my sides.

The world is swinging around me.

I feel like I'm full of lead.

My eyes begin to close.

And I smile.

I'll see my Starlight soon.


	20. Everyone Leaves

NOTE: Wow, no TW's? That hasn't happened for a while. I know I said I was working on a request, but I dropped it because I really had 0 motivation for continuing it, and the person who requested it was very polite when I told them, so that was nice.

Enjoy!

"Go ahead and leave then. That's what everyone does. I guess I'm used to it by now." 

But Janus could tell Remus couldn't take it. His lip was trembling; a small tell, but Remus was good at concealing emotion.

"Go on, leave! That's what you've wanted to do since Virgil left, you never wanted to stay here." Tears were welling up in Remus' eyes, beginning to spill over.

"Remus-"

"Just leave. That's what everyone does. Everyone leaves me. First Roman. Then Virge. And now you. Everyone leaves me."

"Remus, please-"

"Leave. Me. Alone. That's what you've always wanted, I've known for a while." 

Janus was changing traits. Scales disappearing, yellow eye fading to match the other. He couldn't stop it.

"Just let me expl-"

Remus exploded.

Tears began pouring down his face. "Why aren't you leaving? You hate me, you always have! You only stayed with me because everyone else hated you, well guess what? You're not welcome here anymore!" Remus summoned his mace, beginning to advance on the Side. "So you'd better leave, before I make you leave. I know this is what you want, so stop acting like I'm forcing you out." Janus was backed against the wall. Remus slammed his mace into the wall beside him. "Leave. Janus."

Finally, Janus listened and sank out. Remus dropped his mace, sinking to the floor in tears. 

"Everyone leaves me..."


	21. Replaceable

Replaceable.

That was what Roman was.

Logan wasn't. 

There was only one of him, if he ducked out Logic would be gone.

Patton wasn't.

There was only one of him, too. If he ducked out Morality would be gone.

But Roman?

He was replaceable. 

Thomas had Remus.

He had another Creativity.

His main function, the reason for his existence, was unnecessary.

He was unnecessary.

Replaceable.

Roman retreated to his room, locking the door and fading it away.

He had ducked out.

He felt the shift, and knew it had worked.

They wouldn't miss him.

If Remus stayed, did his job correctly... Roman would be forgotten.

By Thomas.

By the others.

It would be as if he never existed in the first place.

That was how it should be, how it should've always been.

He was replaceable, after all.


	22. Don't Fall Asleep

WARNING: Self harm, suicide, angst

NOTE: I'm listening to Hold On as I write this, and I'm in a considerable amount of pain

Roman looked at his boyfriend.

Patton was the same happy dad he'd always been, but.. There was something behind the smile.

A kind of pain.

Roman pushed the thought away. Patton had promised to tell him if something was wrong.

Patton was fine, Roman was sure.

Until that night.

The night Virgil's screams echoed through the house.

The night Logan came running down the stairs in tears.

The night Roman burst into Patton's room and took in the scene.

Patton was kneeling on the floor, a bloodied razor a metre away.

His arms covered in blood so thick you couldn't see the cuts.

He was swaying slightly, like he was dizzy.

He was blinking slowly, drifting slowly in and out of consciousness.

Roman was panicking.

What happened? Why had Patton done this?

Roman spotted an empty pill bottle lying on the ground behind Patton, and somehow grew paler. He knelt down in front of Patton, taking his boyfriend's bloody hands in his own.

"Patton? Oh, Sunshine I'm so sorry, please, stay awake for me! Don't fall asleep- stay awake!"

Patton seemed to focus his eyes on Roman. "R-Ro..."

"Shh, it's okay Sunshine. Just stay awake for me, okay? Please don't fall asleep- we're gonna get help! Don't fall asleep, Sunshine, please!"

Patton's eyes were now closing for seconds at a time.

He managed to hold himself up for a moment longer, before collapsing against Roman, blood staining his shirt, but Roman couldn't care less. "Sunshine? Please, please, please, hold on, we're getting you help-"

Roman's panicked talking was cut off by Patton raising a hand to Roman's cheek, saying the only words he had strength for. "I love you Ro..."

"No, no, don't you dare. You are surviving this, you are going to be okay. I refuse to let you die, I refuse to let you die!" Roman was crying now, the strong facade slipping away.

Patton smiled, his hand dropping to his chest. "It's okay..."

"No, it's not okay, Sunshine, none of this is okay! You have to survive this, I can't keep going without you! Please, Patton, please. I need you, please hold on, and don't you dare fall asleep."

Patton's eyelids were too heavy to open, but he was holding on, if only slightly. Roman was sitting there, terrified, listening to the rattling breaths Patton was drawing, waiting for the moment they would stop.

"I'm sorry Ro.."

The sound of Patton's breathing stopped.

The room went silent for a moment.

Before the air was rent with Roman's scream, a scream full of pain and suffering and longing.

Roman screamed and sobbed and clutched his dead boyfriend's body to himself as he begged him to come back.

And finally, when Roman physically didn't think he could cry anymore, he leaned in and kissed Patton's forehead, one last time.

"I'm sorry Sunshine..."


	23. I Know

WARNING: Intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, self harm, angst

I sit on my bed and stare into the darkness.

It's 4 am. I should've gone to sleep hours ago.

I bend my knees and hold them close to me as I begin to cry for the millionth time tonight.

I run over my list again.

I want them to be proud of me.

I want them to tell me they love me.

I want someone to ask me if I'm okay, and when I say I'm fine to look me in the eye and tell me they know something's wrong.

I want-

Uh oh. Someone's up.

I listen to the footsteps. It's Roman.

Stop crying, stop crying.

I take a deep breath and the sound of my crying slows, then stops.

I listen as Roman heads into the bathroom and shuts the door.

Now I wait. Wait the agonising few minutes in the dark for Roman to go back to bed.

Finally, I hear the door open again, and Roman walks back down the hallway into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

I begin to cry again.

I'm sick of feeling like this.

You don't deserve to sleep. Here come the thoughts.

You don't deserve to eat. I know.

You don't deserve the others. I know.

You don't deserve to live. I KNOW!

Cut. No.

Cut. No.

Cut. NO. I'm not going to do that to myself.

I look at the clock again. 4:45 am. 

I should get some sleep.

You don't deserve to sleep.

I'm going to sleep.

You don't deserve it. 

I ignore the thoughts and close my eyes.

My alarm goes off about an hour and a half later. Time to make breakfast for the others.

I drag myself out of bed to the bathroom, forcing a smile on. That looks real enough.

I head downstairs and begin making breakfast. 15 minutes later Logan comes downstairs. "Morning Logie!" I chirp. Was that believable? Looks like it.

"Good morning Patton," he replies. 

"How did you sleep?" Their needs before mine. Their feelings before mine.

"I slept adequately. How did you sleep?"

"I slept well." I turn my attention back to breakfast. Their feelings before mine.

Just as I'm finishing up Roman comes down. "Good morning Padre!"

I force myself to smile wider. "Morning Roman! How did you sleep?"

Roman sits down at the table as I dish up pancakes. "Not all that well. I was up going to the bathroom and I heard someone crying. Whoever it was, I'm worried."

Oh no. I was noticed! And he was worried about me! No, no....

They shouldn't be worried about me- I can't be a burden-

"Patton?" Roman's waving a hand in front of my face. "Are you okay?"

I snap back to reality. "Yeah, I'm fine! Just- just spaced out for a second there, that's all."

I take a pancake for myself, even though I feel sick to my stomach that I was almost found out.

Roman and Logan respond with a "Thank you, Patton," before beginning to eat, and Virgil walks downstairs looking like he wants nothing more than to go back to bed. 

"Mm." He doesn't say anything else, he just sits at the table and picks up a plate. 

"Morning kiddo!" I say, tipping two pancakes onto his plate.

He nods at me, gives me a half smile, then takes a fork and begins to eat.

I try and make myself eat.

You don't deserve to eat.

Shut up.

You don't deserve it.

I know, okay? Just stop.

You don't deserve to eat.

I push my chair back, pick up my plate of one half-eaten pancake, and excuse myself, taking the plate up to my room and placing it on the shelf.

My phone vibrates. I pick it up and look at the notification.

Kailee replied!

I reached out to Kailee on a vent video I saw on YouTube and we began talking. She's a really good listener, which is good, I've got a lot to talk about.

I quickly read her message.

I'm sorry you feel like that! I'm not sure what I can do to help, but you know that I'm always here for you.  
I've been going through a bit myself, but I'll be okay.  
People can be so mean sometimes, I've never understood it.  
Hope you're doing a bit better than yesterday  
xx

I smile.

I type a response and send it out.

I've been feeling a bit worse than usual. I've been having the thoughts again, so that sucks.  
I'm staying clean though, which is nice.  
But it hurts, K. It really hurts on the inside and I just want someone to care about me, and no-ones here for me and no-one cares, and I just want someone to tell me they love me, I want someone to DAMN CARE ABOUT ME

I have tears sliding down my face now.

You could do it easily, you know.

I know.

You could walk into the bathroom and just take a bunch of pills.

I know.

You could walk into the kitchen and take a knife and stab yourself.

I know.

Because who would care? You could walk onto the road and let yourself get hit.

I know.

I bury my face in my hands and cry harder. 

You could stab yourself.

You could hang yourself from the ceiling fan.

You could jump off the bridge tomorrow when you go to work.

You could walk into traffic.

You could swallow all the pills in the medicine cabinet.

You could slit your wrists and let yourself bleed out.

I'm sick of this. 

I run to the bathroom and take out all the pills I can find.

I begin swallowing them dry, as fast as I can.

The world's going in and out of focus. I smile.

The door opens and Logan's scream fills the bathroom, just as everything goes black.

NOTE: This is a vent chapter. I am okay, I am not going to commit suicide. But the thoughts are there, just like the thoughts of self harm. I have never self harmed, and do not intend to. I hope you guys feel better than I do.


	24. Mine

WARNING: Murder, suicide mention, self harm mention, angst

I don't like this. Logan's too close with him.

Too close with my Sunshine. 

I've been trying to ignore it but it's going too far. I see him lean forward and kiss my Sunshine on the cheek, and I almost kill him immediately. 

But I don't.

I have to be careful.

If my Sunshine saw me removing the people between us, it might scare him away.

I go back up the stairs, back to my room.

I lock the door.

And sharpen my knives.

I have to be ready.

I have to plan all set up.

Ask Logan to help me with something I'm working on.

Get him alone in my room.

Knock him out.

Slit his wrists.

Let him bleed out on the floor.

I've been practicing his handwriting; I have a suicide note ready and waiting.

I read it over, making sure, once again, that it's believable.

Dear friends, 

I'm sorry for doing this to you.  
I know I'm being selfish, but this is the only way out for me.  
Please don't be sad about me, I don't want to leave this world knowing I caused my closest friends such pain.

Deepest regards and deepest apologies  
Logan

Believable.

Patton will cry, of course, and I'll be there to comfort him.

I check the time.

It's nearly 11 pm. I should get some sleep.

I place the fake suicide note and knives back in my secret drawer, and go to bed.

The next morning he's way too close.

He's sitting too close to my Sunshine.

He's talking too much with my Sunshine.

He needs to go.

"Hey Logan?" I say.

Logan looks up from Patton. "Yes Virgil?"

"Could you help me with something? I'm doing a kind of project and I need your help."

"Of course, Virgil." Logan stands up and follows me into my room. "So, what did you need help with?"

As soon as he's in, I lock the door. 

"What are you-"

I shove him against the wall, pinning him there with one hand, the other reaching towards my bat. 

"Virgil what the-"

I lean in close. "Stay away from my Sunshine," I hiss.

And I slam the bat into the side of his head.

He crumples almost immediately.

I straighten him out and quickly pick him up, taking him into his own room.

I prop him up against the wall, and begin to work.

I carve lines and lines all over him, him wrists, forearms, legs.

There's so much blood.

Carefully, I place the suicide note down on his bed, making sure not to get any blood on it.

Then I leave the room. 

He'll be dead by lunchtime.

I cross to my room and lock the door again, moving into my bathroom.

I need to clean away the blood.

I was careful to not get too much blood on myself, but my hands are soaked.

I begin to clean them as I laugh. 

Patton will be mine.

Once I finish I go to my door, opening it and, raising my voice slightly, saying, "Thanks Logan, I can handle it from here."

That'll throw off suspicion.

I shut my door again.

Now we wait.

It's three hours later when I hear Patton scream.

He's found him.

I run over, dropping my phone and headphones like I don't know what's going on. "Patton what's wrong?"

He's crying, on his knees in Logan's bedroom, note clutched in his hand.

I stop in the doorway, pretending to be shocked.

Roman runs up behind and blanches immediately.

Patton shakily passes me the note, and I read it aloud for Roman to hear.

"Dear friends, I'm sorry for doing this to you. I know I'm being selfish, but this is the only way out for me. Please don't be sad about me, I don't want to leave this world knowing I caused my closest friends such pain. Deepest regards and deepest apologies, Logan."

Roman begins to cry too. 

I force several tears to fall down my face.

Neither Patton nor Roman can bring themself to look at Logan.

"Why would he-" Patton begins.

Roman just shakes his head.

"Virgil, you were the last one to see him!" Here we go. "Did you see anything wrong?"

"No, he seemed fine when he left!"

"When did he leave?" Roman asks.

"About three hours ago," I answer.

They turn to each other and begin talking. I block them out, pretending to be overwhelmed. It's surprising they haven't seen through my act yet.

Patton begins to cry harder. 

I move forward to hug him, but Roman gets there first. 

That's a bad sign. I may have to remove Roman too.

"Shh... It's okay Patton.." Roman whispers to him. "Logan will be in a happier place now."

Patton nods slowly, hugging Roman back for a second before pulling away and hugging me.

I almost scream. 

I hug him back immediately, doing my best to conceal my smile.

Patton hugs me tighter, and I feel like I could just stand here holding him forever.

But he pulls back.

Asks Roman to pick Logan up and move him to a better space.

And begins to talk. "I'm.. I'm gonna go to my room for a b-bit.."

Roman and I nod. "I'm gonna go too.." I say, careful how I say it. I'm too happy.

Roman nods again and begins to walk towards the door, carrying Logan. 

I retreat to my room for the rest of the night.

The next morning is almost the same as the one before.

Roman is too close to him.

I get in there too, comforting Patton as much as I can, but he's spending far too much time with Roman.

But I can't kill him now.

It's too soon after Logan died, my Sunshine's sure to get suspicious.

So I leave it.

I leave it for a week, which almost feels like too long.

But I manage.

And now it's time.

I go to Roman's room and knock on the door. He opens it a few moments later.

"Hey Virge! What's up?"

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk?" My Sunshine's out. He won't be home for hours.

"Sure! Just let me get my shoes on."

He sits back down on the side of his bed and pulls on his shoes before grabbing his keys and coming back to the door.

I walk with him to the car we all share, and I get in the driver's side.

I drive us to a park I know, and we begin to wander. The park's almost deserted.

Perfect.

Slowly, I lead him to the bridge overlooking the river that runs through our city.

As he looks over the edge, I move behind him. "I imagine you'll be seeing Logan soon," I say.

He whips around as I shove him, and he falls off the bridge.

He's out of the way.

Good.

I'm turning to head back to the car when I hear a yell. Uh oh.

Remus and Janus come running over. Remus blows straight past me to look over the edge. Janus stops and just stares at me.

They know. I'll have to get rid of them, or they'll tell my Sunshine.

Remus turns back to face me, shoves me, hard. I hit the ground and look up at him as he glares at me, though I can see the tears brimming in his eyes. "You just killed my brother! My brother. How could you?"

I pick myself up. Is he expecting me to feel remorse? "He was too close to my Sunshine. I had to get rid of him."

Janus moves forward, grabs Remus' arm, and begins to pull him away.

This is bad.

This is bad.

They'll tell my Sunshine, then I'll have no chance of getting him back.

I run back to the car and start it up. 

The drive takes shorter than it felt on the way here.

I park the car outside and run inside. Remus and Janus are already here.

Sitting down with my Sunshine.

Oh no.

"Remus, Janus?" They look up at me. Patton looks at me too.

"Hey kiddo!" They haven't told him yet.

Thank goodness.

"Hey dad. Remus, Janus, can I talk to you for a second?" 

They look at each other. Of course they're apprehensive. Janus slowly gets up. "Okay.."

I lead them upstairs.

To my room.

"What do you want?" Remus asks. As fast as I can, I slip around them and shut the door, locking it.

Well that was easy.

I grab my baseball bat. This was too easy.

They're shrinking back, but I can tell they know they won't make it out of here alive.

I slam it into each of their heads in turn, bodies crumpling on impact.

Now, if I hang them from the ceiling, it'll look like a suicide. 

I pull them to the center of the room and I'm just picking up the rope when I hear a scream.

Oh no.

I whip around, and there's my Sunshine. 

Staring at Remus and Janus.

Then staring at me.

"You killed them."

Well there's no point hiding it now.

"No, not yet. But soon."

I begin to move towards him.

"With them out of the way, we can be together forever, and they can't get in our way."

My Sunshine pushes me away.

My Sunshine.

Pushes.

Me.

Away.

"You're insane!"

He did not just say that.

He begins to move away from me, towards the stairs.

He's running away.

Oh no he's not.

I reach down and grab the biggest knife I have.

"If I can't have you.." I call, throwing the knife after him.

It lodges into his head and he falls to the ground, dead on impact.

I walk over, pulling the knife from his skull. 

"Then no-one can."

I lean in, though I know he can't hear me, wherever his spirit's gone to.

"You're mine."

Was this angsty? I don't know.


	25. I Don't Want To Die

WARNING: Character death, self deprecation, throwing up blood, angst

NOTE: This one shot suggested by "Aqua is afraid of thunderstorms" on Quotev

Virgil loved him.

He had loved him for a while, ever since their debate.

But Logan didn't know that.

And there was no way Logan would feel the same way about him.

Why couldn't Logan love him back?

Roman loved Patton, and Patton Roman. And they showed each other that.

And Logan stood on the sidelines, supporting them.

And Virgil silently died.

It's just as well, Virgil thought. Logan shouldn't have to be stuck with someone like me.

Virgil coughed and retched as several bloodied flowers, blue and purple, flew out of his mouth.

Good thing he was sitting in his room.

He picked up the flowers and threw them away.

It was getting progressively more painful.

He didn't think he had very long left.

He retched again, thorns scratching and scraping along his throat.

Please... He thought. Please.. Don't make me die like this..

He looked toward the clock.

It was time for movie night.

Virgil picked himself up off the floor, dragging himself downstairs.

Patton had already set up mountains of pillows and blankets, and was sitting waiting for him with Roman and Logan.

Virgil's heart jumped slightly when he saw Logan.

He coughed into his hand, catching a blood-covered flower before anyone saw it.

And sat down next to Logan.

Roman leaped up. "What movie first?"

Virgil shrugged. "Nightmare Before Christmas?"

"Okay!"

Roman slid the movie in and sat back down next to Patton.

The four watched the movies in companionable silence, only broken by Roman's singing or the discussion of which movie to watch next.

This is a nice way to spend the evening, I guess, thought Virgil. 

Suddenly, he retched, bringing up about five more flowers and spraying blood into his lap.

Logan was the first one up. "Virgil, are you alright?"

Virgil coughed weakly and shook his head. "Yeah- yeah, I'm fine."

Roman looked at the clock. "It's almost midnight. We should get to bed. You sure you're alright Virge?"

Virgil nodded. 

"Okay then. Night guys."

Roman picked up Patton, who was already falling asleep on Roman's shoulder, and carried him upstairs, turning off the TV on the way.

"I'm gonna turn in too... Night Lo," Virgil said, quickly making his way to the stairs. Get out of here get out of here get out of here hurry hurry hurry...

Virgil heard Logan call after him, "Goodnight Virgil!" and smiled slightly before coughing up another flower.

Logan looked at the floor.

That was a flower petal, and blood.

Right where Virgil was sitting.

Logan had heard of this... Did Virgil have Hanahaki Disease?

But then for who?

Possibly Roman or Patton, since they were in a relationship.

It couldn't be he himself, he knew he loved Virgil.

Virgil retched again, harder this time.

Flowers fell from his mouth, blood dripping to the floor. 

He retched a third time, feeling the flowers begin to clog his throat, scraping it with thorns, filling his mouth with blood.

He was on his hands and knees on the floor, how did he get here?

All other thoughts were wiped from Virgil's mind as he retched and a single thought took over.

I don't want to die.

Virgil's arms were trembling, and he was sweating buckets.

As Virgil retched a final time, body heaving to rid itself of the flowers that filled his throat, he collapsed to the floor.

And he lay there, flowers tumbling to the floor as blood seeped out in between the flowers clogging his mouth, unable to move.

He was suffocating, and he couldn't do anything.

Of course, if Virgil loved either Roman or Patton, he would have Hanahaki, as his love would be unrequited.

Or perhaps, if Virgil didn't know Logan loved him, his love would be unrequited...

Logan had just come to this conclusion when he heard a loud retch from upstairs and ran as fast as he could, throwing Virgil's door open..

To see the sight of Virgil, dead on the floor in front of him, surrounded by a halo of blood and flowers, blue and purple.


	26. Stop

WARNING: Unsympathetic Virgil, non-consensual touching/kissing, domestic abuse, abusive/toxic relationships, invalidation of asexuality, acephobia, trauma, triggering and flashbacks, rape, PTSD, past abusive/toxic relationships, angst

NOTE: Well doesn't this look like a fun chapter?

He never left him alone.

He claimed he was just being a good boyfriend, but he never let Patton be.

Kisses forced on when Patton had said no.

Touching him in places that left him crying, pleading with people who weren't there.

Hugs that were a little too tight, constricting, choking.

Of course the others never saw.

But when they were alone, Virgil would attach himself to Patton, wouldn't let him go; kisses held a little too long, holding him a little too tight, playing with his hair when Patton so clearly didn't want to be touched.

The others respected him, understanding Patton had PTSD, always asking consent for hugs, never touching Patton when he asked them not to.

Virgil refused. He believed the boundaries of his boyfriend were not important, that if Patton didn't want him to touch him he would say so, not quietly mumble through tears.

Patton was asexual; sex-repulsed to be precise.

His boundaries had been crossed, ignored, broken, many times before.

He had let people into his heart too easily, and then those people had hurt him.

Noah had forced himself on Patton, invalidating Patton's asexuality and pretending Patton wanted it, breaking up with him when Patton finally put his foot down.

Jay had abused him, told him that since Patton had had sex with him in the past he couldn't be asexual, started hitting him when Patton started restating his boundaries.

So Patton stopped fighting.

He let Virgil do whatever he wanted, because he knew there was no point arguing.

He tried to argue, at first.

But his fighting never lasted.

Patton was washing the dishes in the kitchen as he waited for Logan and Roman to get back.

Someone draped their arms around his shoulders and he froze.

"Hey Sunshine."

Patton forced himself to talk. "Hey Virgie.."

"I want to cuddle."

Patton took a deep breath, silently thanking the others for using so many dishes. "I would, Virgie, but I have to get this done." He gestured to the sink full of dishes.

Virgil frowned. "But that will take ages!"

"I know, but it has to be done."

"The dishes can wait." Virgil took Patton's wrists and guided them away from the sink.

Patton turned around and Virgil released his wrists, clearly happier. "Virgie, I would love to, but I have to finish-"

Virgil, having had enough of Patton fighting him, moved forward and pressed his lips to Patton's, silencing him.

Patton shook his head, trying to pull away, pull back, but Virgil had him pressed against the counter. Virgil pressed harder and tears began to slide down Patton's face. 

He wasn't home anymore. Virgil was Noah, forcing himself past Patton's boundaries, touching him, kissing him, not letting him be.

And Virgil could tell. He pulled Patton by his hands over to the couch, not releasing his mouth until they were in the middle of the living room.

Finally, finally, Virgil pulled away, and Patton gasped for breath, fighting with his demons.

"Sunshine? Are you okay?" Virgil waved his hands in front of Patton's face. "Hello?"

Patton's attention snapped back to reality. "Y-Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine."

Virgil clapped happily. "Cuddles!"

Patton sighed internally. He wouldn't be able to finish now, Virgil might trigger him again. "Fine."

Virgil beamed, settling himself next to Patton on the couch before latching onto him as tightly as he could, turning on the TV.

"Virgie.. Please.. Can you loosen your grip a bit?" Patton could barely breathe.

Virgil only held him tighter. "But I don't want to.."

"Please.. Stop.." It was getting harder and harder to get air.

Virgil looked up at Patton's face and saw he was about to pass out. 

He loosened his grip. 

Patton took a deep breath. "Thank you.."

The two sat for a while in relative silence, Patton praying for this to be over soon so he could get away, praying Logan and Roman would get home soon.

Gradually, through the quiet noise coming from the TV and the warmth next to him, Patton fell asleep.

Patton snapped awake, feeling someone's lips on his, Virgil's face just above him.

Patton panicked, pushing Virgil roughly off him, making him fall to the ground.

As Virgil picked himself up, Patton saw the anger in his eyes. "Oh no..."

Virgil stood up straight, grabbed Patton's shirt, and threw him down. "How dare you?"

Patton scrambled backwards, trying to get away. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry- please don't-"

Patton was cut off by a hard slap across his face, knocking him to the side. "How dare you?"

"I'm sorry, I- I panicked, and-" Virgil slapped him again. 

"Did I give you permission to talk?"

Patton shook his head, holding back tears.

"That's right. You stay silent unless I give you permission to talk, and you do as I say. Have you got that?"

Patton nodded.

Virgil moved back, allowing Patton to pick himself up off the floor.

At that moment, the door opened and Roman and Logan entered.

Patton gave a silent sigh of relief. Virgil didn't dare hurt him when the others were home.

"Hey guys!" Roman said. 

Patton gave a half-wave as Virgil began talking. "Hey. Patton and I were just about to watch a movie together."

Logan looked to the kitchen. "I thought it was Patton's turn to do the dishes."

Virgil shot Patton a look. "I know, but I wanted to spend time with Virgie!"

"Yes, well it needs to get done at some point, Patton."

Patton nodded.

Logan and Roman disappeared into Roman's room, presumably to set up a pillow fort as they did almost every day, and Virgil sat down again, indicating for Patton to sit next to him.

Patton sat, not wanting to make Virgil even more angry. As Virgil pressed Play on the remote, a movie began to play. 

Patton was focusing as hard as he could on the TV, not taking anything in, just trying to ignore the person next to him.

Virgil slid an arm around his middle, and Patton's breath stuttered, just for a second. Virgil smirked, turning his attention back to the TV.

All of Patton's attention was on the arm around him, pressing into his skin, holding him against Virgil. 

Thankfully Virgil didn't do anything else.

It had been another week of Virgil pushing himself past Patton's boundaries, before they got the news.

Logan and Roman were going on a week-long trip. Alone.

Leaving Patton with Virgil.

It took all of Patton's self-control to not beg them to stay.

He put on a happy front, acting like he was completely okay with being left with Virgil, shutting the door behind them with a "Enjoy yourselves! We'll see you soon!"

As soon as Patton had shut the door, Virgil was behind him, spinning him around, dragging him toward Virgil's bedroom.

This was happening. Again.

What had happened too many times was happening again, as Virgil climbed on top of Patton and Patton shut his eyes.

He'd already stopped fighting, after all.


	27. Control

NOTE: This one shot was requested by AngstWithAPinchOfSalt@ao3

I think I did this really badly so I hope you enjoy this disaster :P

Logan collapsed onto his bed, sprawling out over the sheets and staring up at the ceiling.

It was exhausting, trying to keep Rage at bay.

He took a moment to just let himself breathe before sinking down, down to a place only he knew about.

It was secure and hidden and a place where only the person who created it could allow people to leave.

Logan looked around the empty grey area, white mist swirling around his feet, before finally relenting and letting Rage out.

It was terrifying when Rage was out. 

Logan was trapped inside his own head, he had to fight to take back control just so the two of them could get back to the main MindScape.

Rage took in his surroundings, surveying the empty space around him. This place was sort of like the Imagination, but Rage couldn't leave.

It was the only thing separating him from the main MindScape, keeping the others safe.

He looked strange, like an inverted kind of Logan, with a black tie and a royal blue shirt. But Logan knew his looks didn't match up with what he was really like. 

Logan knew he couldn't take back control for a while, he wouldn't be strong enough to keep control of him for long if he didn't rest.

He let Rage continue creating and destroying, always watching to make sure Rage didn't do anything too dangerous. It was a shared body, after all.

Logan let Rage run wild for roughly two hours, before attempting to take back control.

He knew it wasn't a pleasant process, being forced into your own head, but he had to make sure he kept the others safe.

Logan took control, and after making sure Rage was trapped, sank out of his twisted version of the Imagination.

This was how it worked.

Logan would struggle through the days, getting ignored and abandoned and pushed to the side, trying his best to keep his temper under control so Rage wouldn't break out.

Then escaping to his Imagination, where he could let Rage out safely. He had no idea what Rage might do if he managed to get to the main MindScape, but he knew it wouldn't be good.

Until that day.

The day Janus revealed his name to the others.

The day he was ignored and pushed to the side and skipped.

The day he broke.

The scene was insane.

Sides arguing and ignoring him, again.

Thomas had turned off the camera, thank goodness. The viewers didn't want to see this mess.

"If you would just listen to me-" Logan tried.

"Logan, can you stop?" Virgil interrupted.

"I'm trying to help-"

"Well you're not, okay?" Roman cut him off.

"Just let me-"

"LOGIC!" Thomas yelled.

No. 

No.

No.

He'd been cut off too many times.

Ignored.

Pushed away.

Disregarded.

Logan let out a scream as he felt Rage take over, doubling over and for once letting Rage take control.

Rage straightened up as the Sides went silent.

He smiled.

"Who are you?" Patton asked, finally noticing anyone else had entered the room.

"Well, I'm Rage. Logic and I share a body, and since you all-" Rage paused to gesture to them. "-were ignoring him and making him angry, I get to come out and have some fun. Isn't that nice?"

"Ignoring him? We haven't-" Roman began.

"Yes you have. You were ignoring him. You were shutting him down. You were pushing him away. Oh, poor Logic was so hurt. And angry, too. He always had to keep his temper under control, though. Unlike the rest of you.." The others looked at each other, each feeling personally responsible. "So when it finally got too much.. I came out to see you all. Isn't that nice of me?"

"We never meant to hurt Logan's feelings, we just-" Thomas began.

"Oh, but you did. You called him Logic, Thomas. I don't think that was an accident, was it?"

Thomas looked down.

"That's what I thought. Now-"

"You leave Thomas alone." Virgil said. The Sides were all slowly moving together, forming a barrier between Rage and Thomas.

"No, I don't think I will. You see, you all, with Logic, get a remarkable amount of control over what Thomas does and how Thomas acts. Why don't we change that up a bit?" Rage was grinning, in a way that scared the others.

Before any of them could move, Rage waved his hand, and Thomas fell to his knees, clutching his head in his hands.

"Stop it, stop it- STOP IT!" Thomas screamed. All he could hear was people yelling, unintelligible noise in his head, impossibly loud. The one thing surfacing in his mind was Anger.

Everyone was crowding around him, with the exception of Rage, leaning against the wall, enjoying the show.

Suddenly, Thomas fell silent, rising to his feet.

"Thomas..? Are you okay..?" Roman asked hesitantly. Thomas' head whipped toward him.

"Shut up Creativity."

Roman looked taken aback. 

The others looked shocked.

"Thomas?" Patton said.

"What?" Thomas turned to face the moral Side.

"Kiddo.. I'm gonna need you to just breathe... Everything's okay-"

"Shut it Morality. Just- leave me alone."

Patton reached out, placing a hand on Thomas' shoulder. "It's okay, kiddo, I just need you to-"

Thomas threw Patton's hand off his shoulder, backing away.

"Stay away from me. Don't you dare touch me."

Janus looked to Rage, who was still just standing there, watching everything happen. He moved toward him. 

"What've you done to him?"

Rage somehow grinned wider. "Why, I've just exerted a little more control over our host here."

"By making him hostile to anyone he comes across?" 

"Of course. I am Rage after all."

Virgil left Thomas' side, walking up to Rage.

"I don't know what you've done with Logan, or what you've done to Thomas, but we are going to fix this. We are going to get rid of you, and we're going to make Thomas okay again. Understood?"

Rage shook his head, the way a parent might at an overly ambitious child.

He took Virgil's head in his hand and tilted his head up.

"Oh, Anxiety. I'm afraid I'm here to stay."


	28. Gone V

_**Warning:**_ Graphic abuse, panic attack, character death, so much blood. So much. Oh and angst

 _ **Note:**_ I'm back baby! Sorry for the break, Motivation decided to go on holiday, and my entire uploading schedule relies on her (Did I just give my Motivation a gender? Yes. Yes I did) Enjoy! *Evil laugh*

* * *

A loud beeping filled the room, and Virgil groaned, rolling over and slapping a hand onto the alarm, shutting off the noise.

"Hey Stormcloud," came a voice from the other side of the bed.

Virgil yawned. "Morning Ro." 

"Wanna get up or are we gonna spend another 15 minutes just lying here?"

Virgil rolled back, putting his arms around Roman and pulling him close. "What do you think?"

Roman chuckled slightly, putting his arms around Virgil's back, kissing him lightly on the forehead. 

The pair lay there for another few minutes before Roman shook his arms slightly, waking Virgil up again. "Stormcloud, we need to get up."

"No...."

Roman laughed again, sliding out from Virgil's arms, finally making him open his eyes and drag himself out of bed.

Roman began to get dressed as Virgil tried to wake up enough to function.

Eventually, they were both dressed, and Roman opened the bedroom door for Virgil, letting him out first, just like he'd done every morning since they'd gotten married.

After breakfast, which mainly consisted of Virgil nearly falling asleep in his cornflakes and Roman laughing his head off, Virgil sat down on the couch, intent on just scrolling through Tumblr for a few hours, before Roman sat down next to him.

"Stormcloud?"

Virgil didn't even look up. "Yes Ro?"

"Can we watch some Disney?"

Virgil internally rolled his eyes, smiling. "Okay."

Roman cheered, moving to the TV and sliding Frozen into the player, sitting back down next to Virgil.

As the movie progressed, Roman wrapping an arm around Virgil, enjoying each other's presence, Virgil began feeling cold.

Not the kind of cold that just needs an extra blanket; the kind of cold that seeps through your skin.

Then he felt a hand strike across his face, and his eyes blinked open.

He was in the basement.

But he had more important things to focus on.

"You never learn, do you? You are not. Allowed. To sleep. You know this means punishment."

Virgil almost cried. It wasn't real? But it felt so real, he could've sworn-

He was pulled back out of his thoughts by the feeling of the knife, first cold and then sharp, pain, warm blood overflowing across his side as the knife was pulled away. He tried not to cry out. He failed.

His captor shook his head, but Virgil could swear he was smiling. "Making noise. More punishment. What happened to you? Seems like you forgot all the rules overnight."

Virgil tried to brace himself before he felt the knife pierce his skin, go into his stomach, further and further, causing the tears to slide down his face, silent, barely noticed.

As the knife came out again, the hole filled with blood, leaving him so quickly, too quickly.. Virgil could feel pain grip his stomach, his chest, his throat, heart beating faster, the entire world drowned out as his heart pumped, more and more blood leaking out, breathing picking up, panic filling his senses.

Not here, not now, not him, why now, why _here_?

He could hear laughing through the sounds of his beating heart as he bled out, tears sliding down his face.

Virgil knew he didn't have long left.

He could feel it.

As he received a kick to his wound, eliciting a loud, involuntary groan as he tried to send something to the others, some kind of feeling knowing he was there.

_I love you guys._

Virgil was gone, in the basement, hidden from the world. 

Tears still painted across his face.


	29. Help Him

_**Warning:**_ Abuse, starving someone, burning someone, manipulation, PTSD, flashbacks, angst

 ** _Note:_** This one shot requested by _IAmAFanderInNYC@ao3_

I tweaked it a little bit but I hope you like it :)

* * *

  
_"Don't you dare talk back to me!" Logan's mother yelled, slapping him across the face._

_Logan nodded, holding a hand to his cheek, pulling back, away from the woman in front of him._

_"Apologise at once!" She yelled._

_"I'm s-so-"_

_He was cut off as she slapped him again. "What did I say about stuttering!"_

_"Not to.." Logan did his best to control it. "I'm sorry mother.."_

_"As you should be. Go to your room. You're not getting dinner."_

_"Yes mother." And Logan ran, as fast as he could, up the stairs and into his room, shutting the door behind him._

_That night he went hungry, all too used to the feeling._

_As he opened the window and leaned out slightly, closing his eyes and letting the cool wind blow across his face, he imagined his life after he finally escaped this hell he called home._

There were so many instances like it, punishment even when Logan did his best to please his mother.

His father had abandoned him with her years before, saving himself and not looking back, and to be honest, Logan didn't blame him.

_"Logan!"_

_Logan ran down the stairs as fast as he could, stopping at the bottom. "Yes mother?"_

_"Why haven't the dishes been put away yet?"_

_Logan had completely forgotten. "I'm sorry mother, I forgo-"_

_"Do you know how hard it is just keeping you around? I feed you, I clothe you, and this is how you repay me?"_

_His mother was silent for a moment, before seemingly deciding something. "Come here."_

_Knowing better than to argue, Logan moved forward, standing quietly next to where his mother stood, cooking dinner. From here he could feel the heat coming off the pan._

_"Turn around."_

_Now terrified, Logan did as he was told, turning away from his mother._

_There was silence for a moment, and then white hot, burning, scalding pain rocketing down his back as grease was poured from the pan, and he screamed, falling to his knees in tears._

_"This is what you deserve, Logan. Nothing more."_

_Logan nodded, trying to stop his crying._

_"Clean up this mess."_

_Legs trembling, Logan stood, getting an old towel and wetting it in the sink before kneeling down and beginning to mop up the floor._

_Once his mother was satisfied, she turned to him. "You may go."_

_Logan walked as fast as he could, trying not to fall, somehow making it to the bathroom and turning the shower on, ice cold. He pulled his clothes off and stood under the freezing torrent of water, gently trying to wipe the grease off his back._

It was awful, living there.

But at least he was out.

Logan hummed contently, cooking lunch for when Remus would get back from the shops.

As he transferred water from the kettle to the pot, he spilt some on his hand, boiling liquid running down his arm as he screamed, dropped the kettle, sinking to his knees, barely noticing the boiling water pooling around his legs and his heart raced and his breathing sped up, tears slowly rolling down his face.

_"This is nothing more than you deserve."_

Logan pleaded, tried to beg forgiveness from the face of his nightmares, not noticing as the lock clicked and the front door opened. "Logie?"

Hyperventilating, kneeling on the floor, Logan barely noticed his husband cleaning up the kitchen around him, picking up and putting back the kettle, using a towel to dry up the water.

When he was satisfied that Logan wasn't in any immediate danger, Remus turned his attention to the panic attack Logan was going into. "Logie? Logie can you hear me?"

Slowly, Logan nodded, shaking. 

"Can I touch you?"

Logan nodded again, and Remus carefully moved forward, taking his husband in his arms, running a hand comfortingly through his hair. "It's okay Logie, it's not real. Can you name 5 things you can see for me?"

"K-kitchen.. Y-you.. The flo-or.. Kettle.. My h-hands.."

"Can you tell me 4 things you can feel?"

"Floor.. You.. W-water.. My shi-irt.."

"3 things you can hear Logie."

"C-cars.. Your v-voice.. C-Crying.."

"2 things you can smell Logie, you're almost done."

"Pasta.. Your deodorant.."

"And 1 thing you can taste."

"Pasta.." 

"You did that so well Logie, well done."

Logan looked up at his husband, who had by now pulled Logan into his lap. "R-Re?"

"Hey Logie. Feeling a bit better?" 

Logan nodded slightly. "Kinda... Can we just sit on the couch and cuddle?"

Remus smiled. "Okay Logie. Go sit down and I'll move the bags somewhere other than the doorway."

"Bags-?" Logan turned his head to the doorway, seeing plastic bags all over the floor; Remus had dropped them upon seeing Logan on the ground. "Oh. I'm sorry.." 

"Don't worry about it. You're the priority right now, okay?"

Logan nodded, slowly pulling himself up and making his way carefully over to the couch.

A few moments later, Logan cradling his burnt arm, Remus came over, carrying a bandage. "Arm."

Logan gingerly held his arm out, wincing as Remus wrapped it in the bandage. 

Once Remus was done, he took Logan in his arms, resting his chin on the top of Logan's head. Logan melted against his husband, wrapping his arms around Remus' middle, holding him tightly.

"You're safe Logie," Remus mumbled. "You're safe."


	30. Because I Can

**_Warning:_** Abusive relationship, Unsympathetic!Janus, non-consensual touching/kissing, rape, starving someone, threats, possessiveness over a person, angst

* * *

"What did you just say to me?" Janus yelled, throwing Roman to the ground.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean-" Roman was shaking, close to tears. What was he _thinking_ , talking back to Janus?

"Stop with the stuttering before I cut your tongue out."

Roman shut his mouth, quickly. Janus was already angry.

"Get up."

Roman scrambled to stand as quickly as he could.

"Turn around."

Roman turned.

"Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to count to 20, and if you make any noise, we start again. Understood?"

Roman nodded, silent tears tracking down his face. This had happened too many times before. The marks were all over his back.

Janus crossed the room, locking the door and retrieving the whip from its hiding place in the cupboard, taking his time as he did so. It was entertaining to watch Roman tremble.

He stood behind Roman, just waiting for a moment, before speaking. "Shirt."

Roman quickly pulled his shirt off, dropping it on the ground and waiting in fear.

Janus raised an arm, pulled it down hard, cracking the whip against Roman's back as he flinched violently.

"One."

Roman was used to this process, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

The whip hit his skin again, and he flinched, trying to keep the sounds of pain from escaping.

"Two."

Roman could hear the smirk in Janus' voice.

Roman managed to make it to 4 before letting out the tiniest whimper, that Janus heard.

"Well, time to start counting again."

After almost 45 minutes, Roman managed to make the full 20 without making a noise, and Janus let him drop to his knees, crying.

Janus walked into the bathroom off Roman's room, washing the blood off the whip before returning it to its hiding place, before returning to Roman.

He helped Roman sit up on the bed, gently cleaning his wounds and bandaging them. "There we go. Now you won't do that again, will you?" he asked.

Roman wiped some tears off his face, shaking his head.

"It's okay RoRo, I know you didn't mean it."

Roman nodded weakly.

"Come on, let's watch a movie." 

The next few days passed without another incident, until there was a fight.

"You can't keep acting like you own me!" Roman yelled, tears streaming down his face and too incensed to care about the punishment surely coming.

"I can, because I do. I own you, and you cannot talk back to me!" Janus was furious by this point.

"Janus I am done with this relationship and I am done with you. Just leave me alone!" That was the last straw.

Janus grabbed Roman's wrist, holding tightly and dragging him back up the stairs as Roman tried to escape, knowing what was coming.

Janus threw Roman onto the bed, climbing on top of him and laughing slightly at the tears he could see pouring down Roman's face.

Roman closed his eyes and just tried to brace himself, block out the world and retreat into his head.

Blocking it out was the one thing he could do.


	31. You Have To Learn

**_Warning:_** Unsympathetic!Patton, sewing someone's skin, drugging, angst

* * *

"Y'know what? Young man, come here right now!" Patton yelled from the top of the stairs.

"Are you grounding me?" Virgil called from the couch, not looking up from his phone.

"Yes, now get up here!"

Virgil rolled his eyes, putting his phone down and trudging up the stairs, glaring at Roman as he laughed at him from across the room.

"Follow me."

Patton led Virgil into his bedroom. "Sit down." He pointed to the bed.

Virgil sat on the end of it, watching Patton as he locked the door.

"Why the door?"

"I don't want people walking in."

Virgil was wary, but he still trusted Patton.

He watched from behind as Patton pulled something out of a drawer, sliding it up his sleeve, unseen from Virgil's angle.

Once Patton had retrieved the item, he sat next to Virgil, lifting his arms slightly. "Hug to make up for it?"

Virgil wasn't sure why Patton felt the need to lock the door for a hug, but complied anyway, leaning forward and putting his arms around Patton as he felt Patton's arms around him.

Then he felt the sharp pain in his neck and black spots began to swim in his vision.

"What- what did you do?"

"It's better this way, trust me kiddo."

As Patton removed his arms from around Virgil's neck, gently lying the Side down on the bed, watching him struggle to speak.

Virgil managed one more question. "Why?"

As he faded from consciousness, he just barely heard the answer. "You have to learn somehow."

The next thing Virgil knew, he was still lying on Patton's bed, his neck hurt, his head hurt, and an overwhelming pain was surrounding his mouth.

He gingerly put his hands up, feeling dried blood and twine criss-crossing over his lips, and almost vomited.

Patton.. Patton had sewn his mouth shut.

He fought back the tears trying to escape, looking around to find the door was open and Patton was nowhere to be found. Checking the clock, he saw it had been roughly 3 hours since he had gone to talk with Patton.

Virgil pulled himself up, swaying for a moment before steadying himself against the wall, making his way out. Where were the others?

He slowly made his way downstairs, where he saw Patton quietly talking to Logan and Roman, the pair facing away from the stairs.

As Virgil appeared at the top, Patton spotted him almost immediately, smiling slightly before turning his attention back to Roman and Logan.

Virgil silently walked downstairs, starting slightly as Patton raised his voice. "And here he is! Virgil, mind showing us what I did earlier?"

As Logan and Roman turned around, seeing Virgil, he paled. What were they going to say?

The others had the same reaction, blood draining from their faces as they jumped up, Roman running over and embracing Virgil immediately as Logan carefully guided them away from Patton. "What is _wrong_ with you?" Logan half yelled.

"Are you okay?" Roman asked quietly, Virgil nodding his head slightly in response.

"I was teaching him. He had to learn somehow." Patton smiled, looking insane.

"You can't _do_ that Patton, you just-" Logan seemed lost for words.

"Just what? It seems to be the most effective way of teaching, so why should I change it?"

"Do you want me to get Remus and Janus?" Roman asked Virgil. He nodded. They'd always been protective of him, even after he left. And he hadn't seen them in a while, it might as well be now.

Roman summoned them, and as they rose up he could tell something was wrong.

Both of them.. Both of their mouths were sewn too. As Janus turned to them, smiling weakly, Virgil began to cry, letting the tears escape.

Remus had gotten it worst of all... He had been rendered blind, eyes sewn shut along with his mouth, back when he had made Patton angry.

Remus and Janus embraced Virgil, all three crying as Logan and Roman rounded on Patton, the insane smile never leaving his face.

The three were on their knees at this point, holding each other, trying to comfort one another in their pain.

Logan and Roman forced Patton away, out of the house and out of their lives, but his words stayed with Virgil.

 _You have to learn somehow_.


End file.
